The Truth About Love
by SkyEvangeline
Summary: In the end, we’re always left with a lingering question: What is love?
1. Chapter 1: Shelter

Hey, everyone! I posted this story a while back on another forum, but I thought that I'd post here, too. This story takes place a bit before Season 2 ended, so in essence, the finale didn't happen and all consequent events are therefore affected. Enjoy!

--Sky

**The Truth About Love**

_**Chapter One: Shelter**_

_I've seen the anger and I've seen all the dreams  
And I've watched an existence torn apart by the seams  
And though I may seem helpless  
I will do all that I can do  
I've seen a part of people that I never really want to share  
Oh, I've seen a part of people that I never knew was there_

_Shelter, give them shelter from the coming storm_

Sarah McLachlan

…

_What is love? That seems to be a question that's right up there with pondering the meaning of life itself. Because, in a way, aren't life and love intertwined? There are songs and poems and plays and movies about this thing we've called love. Is love a white horse and a prince to carry you off into the sunset? Is it butterflies in your stomach at the mention of a name? Is it a ring and a promise? Every day we're bombarded by words and images of what love is supposed to be, but in the end, we're always left with a lingering question: What is love?_

…

Meredith sighed as she followed the others for their early-morning rounds. She was mentally kicking herself for having that last shot of tequila the night before because she was certainly paying for it today. But there was so much on her mind that in a secret way she'd never admit, she was thankful for the pounding headache that kept her from thinking of anything else.

Cristina grinned wordlessly and gave her an "I told you so" look, to which Meredith snapped, "Oh, shut up."

"All right. Who's presenting?" Bailey asked as she and the five interns entered the room of a young girl, who greeted them with a smile.

"Lennon Campbell, fourteen years old—" Alex began, but the young girl interrupted.

"I have a favor. Please, don't call me Lennon. Call me Leni, if it's not too much trouble." She smiled and added with a shrug, "My father is a Beatles fan and was expecting a boy."

"Leni presented last night with seizures and vomiting. Her CT shows a large mass on the temporal lobe." He paused for a moment and did a double-take as he looked at her chart. "It also says here that Leni is twenty-six weeks pregnant, and the baby was recently diagnosed with spina bifida."

Bailey nodded. "I've paged both Drs. Shepherd for consults." She noticed a smile quickly cross Leni's face at the mention of the Shepherds but didn't think anything of it. She did, however, find it strange that Leni was alone. "I know this is probably a little bit scary for you, Leni, so if you feel more comfortable waiting for your parents to get back before we start explaining everything, we can do that," she offered, the motherly protectiveness in her becoming outwardly apparent.

"Thank you for your concern, Doctor…" Leni paused as she read the name on her coat, "Dr. Bailey, but I'm here alone. Besides, I've spent more of my life in a hospital than out of one, so I'm used to big words. I've learned what most of them mean by now, and I'm not afraid. At least not for myself." With her last remark, she gently placed her hand atop her stomach.

At that moment, Addison walked into the room. She smiled but stopped dead in her tracks when she looked at the young girl. "Oh, my God. Leni?"

"How've you been, Addie? It's been too long," Leni replied as her face lit up. "Well, come and give me a hug or something."

"Leni, what in the world are you doing in Seattle?" Addison asked, laughing in happy disbelief as she embraced the young girl.

Everyone else gave one another confused glances as they stood there in silence. Finally, Bailey asked, "So, you-all know each other, then?"

"Leni, believe it or not, was the first baby I ever saw born. As a matter of fact, she was my first patient ever," Addison smiled as she held Leni's hand in her own. "This kid gave me more sleepless nights than I can count." Then realizing that there were six other people in the room staring blankly at her, she took the chart from Alex. After reading through it, she wore the same slightly surprised expression that he'd worn as well.

"She's got spina bifida, Addie, and you're the best. I came because you're the only one I trust to fix her. You'll do it, right?"

"Of course, Leni. I just can't believe that you're having a baby. I can still remember rocking you to sleep in the nursery right after you were born."

Leni smiled and assured her, "And you'll be able to rock her to sleep, too, if you want. I know I'm young, but we'll be okay. Well, once you and Shep fix everything."

"'Shep'?" Cristina questioned, obviously amused, while the others grinned.

"Derek," Leni replied. "I've called him Shep ever since I can remember. I think I heard Uncle Richard call him that once, and it stuck." Again, in response to their looks, she continued, "Like I said, I spent _a lot_ of time in the hospital. I know he's the chief and everything, but if he's tough on you, it's all an act. I'll let you in on a little secret: He used to bring me ice cream every night before he left the hospital."

"Seriously?" Izzie asked with a grin.

Leni nodded. "Seriously. But don't tell him I told you that, okay? He likes to think that nobody knows he does stuff like that, but he's really just a big softy."

Addison smiled and said, "Okay, Leni. I'm going to need to run tests, so we'll need to draw some blood. This is Dr. Grey, and that's Dr. Karev; they'll be the interns in charge of your case."

"Me, too?" Meredith shot a questioning look in Bailey's direction, to which the reply was a nonchalant stare. "Okay, then."

"All right, everybody else. Let's go," Bailey instructed, and the other three followed, leaving Meredith and Alex behind, both feeling overwhelmingly outcasted, with Addison and Leni.

Leni's cheerful demeanor had faded to a look of seriousness as she stared at Addison for a moment before remarking, "So, things seem to be working out for you in Seattle. I have to say that you seem like you're doing much better than right before you left New York. I miss you two, but if you're happy, then I'm happy. Are you? Happy again, I mean?"

Addison couldn't help but notice as Meredith shifted uncomfortably. "Tell you what, Leni, I've got to go scrub in for a surgery, but when I'm done, you and I will spend the afternoon catching up. We'll talk about options on how to proceed with your baby and anything else you want to talk about. How does that sound?"

"Okay," she nodded, but before Addison walked out the door, she added quickly, "If you see Shep or Uncle Richard, tell them I'm here. Shep should be here soon since Dr. Bailey paged him for a consult, but all the same."

She smiled. "I'll do that, Leni. I know they'll be just as happy to see you as I am."

"Okay, so I'm gonna draw a little blood," Meredith said, breaking the awkward moment of silence following Addison's departure.

Leni extended her arm and didn't as much as wince when Meredith pricked her with the needle. Instead, she started to chatter away, making small talk with the young interns. "So, you're stuck with me today. Don't worry; I'm an excellent patient. I'm so used to being poked and prodded that it doesn't even faze me anymore. And, hey, if all else fails, I'm good for at least two surgeries, right?"

"What? No, I don't—" Meredith stammered, but Leni interrupted.

"I saw the look on your face when you got assigned to me. Dr. Karev—see the look on his face? He knows I'm worth a good surgery; that's the look of someone who doesn't mind putting up with me. But really, it's okay. I'm not high-maintenance or a lot of trouble."

"It's not you, Leni. It's… something else," Meredith smiled reassuringly.

"Oh. Well, if you need to talk, you can talk to me. I know that would probably be a breach of the whole doctor-patient relationship, but all the same. I mean, as a patient, I can talk to my doctors about issues other than my physical well-being, so I don't see why it can't be the other way around. I'm a good listener if you need one."

"What makes you think I have something to tell?"

Leni grinned knowingly. "'Because everyone has something to tell."


	2. Chapter 2: Painted From Memory

**_Chapter Two: Painted From Memory_**

_Such a picture of loveliness  
Didn't you notice the resemblance?  
Doesn't it look like she could speak?  
Those eyes I tried to capture  
They are lost to me now forever  
They smile for someone else  
Funny, how looks can be deceiving  
But she's not easily  
Painted from memory_

Elvis Costello

…

Derek made his way from the operating room to answer a page he'd received on a neuro consult. He had a lot on his mind, but there was no better way to forget things than to throw himself into his work. And today's board was a far cry from quiet.

Meredith, who was still in Leni's room finishing up an ultrasound, noticed Leni was very still all of a sudden. The young girl listened for a moment, then a smile crossed her face as she stated, "That's Shep."

And the next instant, Derek walked through the door. Like Addison, he stopped and stared in disbelief. "Leni?"

"The one and only," she teased. "I've missed you, Derek Shepherd. Apparently Seattle is too far away from New York for a phone call. But I'll yell at you about that later," she told him with the same smile she'd worn when Addison walked into the room.

Derek smiled as well, and both Meredith and Leni relished in the sight. Had they spoken of it, they would have agreed that it had been too long since they had seen him smile. "You're a sight for sore eyes, Leni. I think you may have been what I missed most about New York."

"Of course I was," she grinned. "But onto more serious matters." Leni glanced at Meredith, who handed the chart to Derek.

He looked over it, and his smile faded. "I think you and I both know what this means."

Leni nodded. "Another tumor. Only this time, the stakes are raised."

"What do you mean?"

She placed her hand on her stomach. "When it rains, it pours. She's sick, Shep, but Addie's going to try to fix her. Spina bifida," she added in reply to his silent question. "As soon as I got her diagnosis, I flew here. When I got to the hospital last night, I had a seizure right in the front lobby. At least my timing is good if my health isn't."

Derek smiled again; Leni was the one person who could always bring a smile to his face, no matter what. "We'll fix you and your little girl up, Leni," Derek assured her. "But you know this is going to mean tests and needles and all the other stuff you just _love_."

"Gosh, I can't wait!" Leni exclaimed sarcastically.

He gave her a quick kiss atop her head and whispered, "Missed you, kiddo." To Meredith, he said with a grin, "Take good care of her for me."

When he walked out of the room, Meredith turned to Leni and asked, "Right before he got here, how did you know it was him?"

She shrugged. "I've known Derek Shepherd pretty much my entire life. There are some things that you just remember, and you don't know how you do it, but you never forget. For me, it's the sound of his footsteps coming down the hall. Do you know what I mean?"

Meredith nodded; somehow, she knew exactly what Leni meant.

…

"So, what's the deal with that kid and the Shepherds?" Cristina wondered to Meredith as the latter joined their group for lunch.

"Yeah, I've never seen Addison like that," Izzie added. "Leni seemed sweet though." In a way, she had a soft spot for the young girl because she remembered so vividly being in a similar position. However, she shook the thought from her mind and focused on what the others had to say.

Alex, who had just taken a bite of his sandwich, added, "She's got them totally wrapped. Doesn't seem like too much of a pain in the ass, though."

Izzie rolled her eyes and let out an exasperated sigh.

"What?" he demanded.

"She's a sick kid; you could at least have a little bit of sympathy."

"I think that's asking a little much," Cristina quipped with a smirk.

But Alex defended himself. "That's crap, Yang. I can have sympathy. It sucks that she's sick, but Shepherd'll remove the tumor, and she'll be fine. It's a textbook case."

However, for some reason that she couldn't begin to explain, Meredith had the sinking feeling that it wouldn't be that easy.

…

"Hey, Sweetheart. Are you feeling all right?" Addison asked as she entered Leni's room later that afternoon.

The young girl was sitting in bed, reading an old copy of _The Sun Also Rises._ Derek had given it to her years before, and although she knew the story by heart, she continued to read it time and again. "Hey, Addie. I'm all right," Leni replied as Addison sat down on the edge of her bed. "What's wrong?"

Addison sighed. Leni knew about everything that had happened before Addison left New York; she was, however, debating whether or not to tell her the course of events that had occurred since Seattle. She couldn't bear the thought of Leni thinking that Derek was anything but wonderful. "It's nothing."

"Oh, yeah, now I'm convinced." She grabbed Addison's hand, looked into her eyes and whispered, "You can tell me. Whatever happened, I won't judge. You know that."

"No, it's nothing like that. Really, I'm okay. I just… I think I may be losing him, Leni," she finally confessed.

"Have you two… talked about it? I mean, _really_ talked about it?"

"In bits and pieces. Just when I think we're getting better—that we're starting to heal—everything just goes to crap. I don't know what to do, Leni; I don't know how to fix this. Then Mark shows up out of nowhere, and now… I just don't know anymore, Leni. I'm getting tired of fighting a losing battle."

Leni could see the pain in Addison's eyes, and it hurt her. She wanted to make everything better and wished desperately that she knew the answers. However, she could only offer, "I can talk to Derek about it if you want me to. I won't tell him you mentioned it, but maybe I can get him to open up."

Leni had always been their little peace-maker. Somehow, she always managed to turn the blame away from one particular person and helped them to see when they were both wrong. "Yeah, okay. So, about your baby… Have you decided what you're going to do?"

"You mean keep her or give her up for adoption?" Leni asked, and Addison nodded. "I'm going to give her the best life possible. Everything is already taken care of, so there's no need for you to worry about that."

"Okay, then," she nodded, and then a smile crossed her face. "Have you picked out a name yet?"

Leni nodded. "I've decided to call her Elena Amélie."

Elena had been the name of Leni's mother, Addison knew. Even if the young girl hadn't been practically a mirror image of her mother, Addison still would have remembered Elena Cortez perfectly; she had been the most beautiful woman that Addison had ever seen in her life. What she remembered most, however, was the young woman's absolute adoration of the child who had yet to be born. Even as she had lain near death upon Leni's birth, her only concern had been for her daughter. The memory of the look in Elena's eyes still haunted Addison to this day.

And, of course she remembered Amélie very well. She was a doll that Derek had given to Leni for being a flower girl in their wedding, and she could scarcely recall a time that Leni was without her.

"That's beautiful," she whispered, wiping a tear from her eye.

"Addie, what's the matter? Why are you crying?"

"My baby is having a baby. It's a lot to take in. That's all."

"Are you disappointed in me?"

She smiled sadly as she put her hand to Leni's cheek. "You know something funny? I asked you the same question not so long ago. Remember what you told me? You said that you loved me and you could never be disappointed in me. Remember?"

Leni nodded. "I remember."

"That's the same answer that I have for you, Sweetheart. You could never, ever disappoint me. All right?"

"All right."

"Do you have any questions or anything about your surgery? Or Elena's?"

She shook her head. "I think I pretty much understand; I did some research before I came here. But if I think of anything, I'll be sure to ask."

"Okay," she agreed and stood to leave. "You get some rest now, Leni. I'll be back in the morning."

"Good night, Addie. See you tomorrow. I love you."

"I love you, too, Sweetheart. Everything will be all right, Leni," Addison said; her intent had been to reassure the young girl, but she soon realized that she had only said those words to comfort herself.

"'Isn't it pretty to think so?'" Leni whispered softly, quoting the final line of the novel she had been reading.

…

"Hey," Derek said from the bedroom as Addison walked into the trailer later that evening.

"Hey," she smiled. "What a day, huh?"

"You can say that again. Leni… Well, it's a shock to see her grown up. When I think of her, I think of a little girl, but… she's not anymore, is she?"

Addison shook her head. "No, I guess not. But you know, in a way, she never really was; she's always been so beyond her years. It's funny, though… Seems like just yesterday that I was sneaking off to read her a bedtime story."

Derek laughed. "Thinking back, we probably spent about half of our residency up in Leni's room, didn't we? I think it became habit to fall asleep in a chair next to her bed."

"It was the only place to actually get some peace and quiet," Addison agreed, smiling at the memory. "Did you two get a chance to talk? I know she was really looking forward to seeing you."

"We had a little while to talk, but not long enough. I'm going to go in early tomorrow morning, though. Is she handling things all right? She seemed okay to me, but… did she tell you anything?"

"She's fine. More worried about everyone else than herself, like always. Did she tell you what she's naming the baby?" When Derek shook his head, Addison grinned, "Elena Amélie. Isn't that a beautiful name?"

He smiled and replied, "Yeah, it is. You think the baby will be all right? I mean, is this surgery something you're sure about or should we expect the worst?"

"It's surgery, Derek; there are always risks. But I'm confident that I can do this. Elena's case isn't one of the worst I've seen, and with this surgery, I'm hopeful that she'll go on to live a relatively normal life with few complications. If everything goes well, she should be fine. Do you think she'll look like Leni?"

Derek shrugged. "I don't know. Probably. Of course, to tell you the truth, she could be purple with green spots, and I'd still think she was beautiful," he replied jokingly.

"Yeah," Addison agreed. "Derek, do you think things would've been different if we would've been able to have children? Do you think things would have ended up the way they did anyway, or do you think that maybe we would've tried harder before things got so bad?"

After a moment of silence between them, Derek finally said, "It's been a long day, Addie, and I'm exhausted. Can we just talk about this later?"

"Yeah… sure," she agreed with a defeated sigh. Strangely enough, and even though it hurt her to realize it, she had come to expect that kind of response from him.


	3. Chapter 3: Aurora

**_Chapter Three: Aurora_**

_You believe there's somewhere else  
Where it's easier than this  
And you see outside yourself  
And you buy the hole you'll fill  
And it's on and on and on and on and on_

The Foo Fighters

…

"Good morning, Leni," Meredith said as cheerfully as possible as she walked into the young girl's room early the following morning. Five-thirty seemed to come earlier and earlier every day.

"Are you all right, Meredith? You look exhausted. Were you on call last night?" Leni wondered.

But Meredith shook her head. "No, I… um, I had a date, actually."

"Ohh… okay. I understand," Leni grinned.

"No! It wasn't anything like that…" she began to explain but stopped herself. Although she knew better than to share such personal details with a patient, something about Leni seemed… comfortable and familiar. Sort of like an old friend.

"So, what's he like? Does he work here in the hospital?" Leni wondered eagerly, hoping to get Meredith to open up. She had spent quite a bit of time in hospitals in her life, and she knew that her time would be much more pleasant if she made friends. And she had a particular fondness for interns because she knew how terrifying it could be to be thrown into an unfamiliar situation.

Trying desperately to avoid the conversation for fear of saying too much, she replied instead, "Okay, Leni, I'm going to take your blood pressure to make sure everything's all right."

"You don't have to tell me; it's okay if you don't want to get into all the personal details. Just answer one question: It's not Alex, is it?"

"Definitely not. Why would you think that? You don't like Alex very much, do you?"

A gentle smile spread across Leni's face before she answered. "It isn't that I don't like him; actually, I don't think he's all that bad. Last night, he came to check on me when he thought I was asleep. He sat in here with me for at least ten minutes, just talking. But then a nurse walked by and he made some lewd remark and followed her down the hall," she shrugged. "By the way, who is Izzie?"

"She's one of our interns. Why?"

"Just a question," she replied nonchalantly then continued, "But anyway, that's why I was wondering… I was just going to tell you to keep him on a tighter leash if he was yours."

"No, he isn't mine. He isn't anyone's at the moment," Meredith laughed, then suddenly found herself saying, "I'm seeing a guy named Finn. He's a veterinarian."

"Nice. It's a good sign if animals and babies like him. You can borrow Elle once she's born, and put Finn to the test," she teased, placing a hand on her stomach.

"Elle—that's a pretty name."

"Elena, actually. After my mother. She… died when I was a baby. Addie met her while she was in the hospital; my mom asked her to look out for me." She paused for a moment, as though trying to find the perfect words to recall the memory that had formed in her mind. "When I was born, Addie stayed in the nursery with me for three days straight until they got in touch with my father. She didn't want me to be alone."

"You and Addison are really close, aren't you?"

The young girl nodded. "My father and I were never close. The truth is, he only took me in out of obligation. Addie and Shep were the ones who really loved me. They're like the parents I didn't get, and they've told me that I'm the child they would've wanted if they could have." Leni paused for a moment, knowing that she'd said a bit too much; she could see it in Meredith's eyes. She couldn't quite read her expression, but she knew there was something more to it. "She's made mistakes, and so has Derek, but they've got the biggest hearts of anyone I know."

"Yeah," Meredith agreed, but her mind was on the remark that Leni had just made. The question of why Derek and Addison had no children had often crossed her mind; they both seemed to like children and were so good with them. But this shed a new light on things. Didn't and couldn't were two very different situations. And her other remark—_she's made mistakes, and so has Derek_—also made Meredith wonder just how much Leni knew about everything that had happened between New York and Seattle. "So, are you nervous? About the surgery, I mean?"

"A little bit. It's _surgery_, you know? I've had so many, but it's always a little bit scary. I'm really worried about Elle, though. I trust Addie completely, of course, and she's the best in her field, hands down. But it's still surgery. At least I was a little bit older before all my surgeries started; she isn't even born yet, and already we have to do this."

Leni's maturity surprised Meredith; she couldn't think of any other fourteen-year-old who could handle such a situation with so much grace. She knew that she probably wouldn't be able to even at her age. "She'll have a better chance for a normal life with this surgery. Her case isn't the worst kind, and like you said, Dr. Shepherd is the best in her field. But other than pre-surgery jitters, are you feeling all right?"

"Yeah, I'm all right. Are you?"

"Of course. Why wouldn't I be?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. Just asking."

"Well, I am. And thank you for asking. You should try to get some rest. We're going to have a busy day—lots of tests and machines and those sorts of things."

"Story of my life. And you should take your own advice—get some rest, too. All you surgeons think you're so invincible, but I've watched them drop like flies. Did he give you the speech? The one about eight switching, five cracking under pressure, and two being asked to leave?" When Meredith nodded, Leni replied, "I've heard that speech. And it's the truth. All I'm saying is the surest way to failure is by thinking that you won't fail."

"I'll remember that," Meredith nodded as she turned off the light in Leni's room and stepped out into the hall.

…

"Hey, you're here early," Derek said as he crossed Meredith in the hall about ten minutes later.

"Just taking care of some pre-rounds. You're here early yourself."

"I wanted to spend some time with Leni before things got too busy," he said with a smile. "Have you rounded on her yet today?"

"Yeah, I did. She's fine; her vitals and the baby's are stable. I was just going to book a CT for later this morning. Is there something you needed, Derek?"

He paused for a moment, then said, "I was wondering if maybe you wanted to join me for a drink at Joe's tonight?" Seeing the look on her face, he added quickly, "You know, as friends. We could do some catching up. Maybe grab a bite to eat or something. What do you say?"

"Um… Sorry, I can't tonight."

"Oh," he replied disappointedly as he realized why. He knew it shouldn't have bothered him so much that Meredith was seeing Finn; he was her friend, so that meant he was supposed to be supportive. Didn't it? Somehow he wasn't so sure.

She forced a smile despite the slightly awkward moment. "I'm gonna… go. You know, book the CT."

As Meredith was walking down the hall, she caught Alex's attention and he stopped her. "What's wrong with _you_?"

She was tempted to make some remark about what Leni had told her earlier, but she decided against it; it wasn't her place to say anything, and, however untactfully, Alex was trying to be a good friend. "It's good that I'm trying to have a relationship that isn't based solely on sex, right?"

"Seriously?"

"You wanted to know what was wrong, so I'm telling you. If you didn't want to know, then why'd you ask?"

Meredith started to walk away, but Alex quickly took hold of her arm and stopped her. "Look, Mer, you do what you have to do, all right? If you wanna date McVet, then date McVet. If he makes you happy, then forget about what everybody else has to say. And if you don't, well, then don't. All right?"

She smiled. Sometimes he was truly surprising. "So, you okay?"

"Oh, yeah. Of course I am," he said with his Cheshire cat grin, but Meredith could see through the façade. "Except Satan's whore has me on vagina squad till God knows when."

"Could be worse," Meredith laughed.

"Yeah, how?"

As she started to walk away, she teased, "She could make you do rectals. Maybe I could suggest it since you're so unhappy with what you're doing."

"Don't even think about it, Grey!" he called after her as she walked down the hall laughing.

…

"Morning, Sunshine," Derek whispered as he walked into Leni's room.

"Morning, Shep," she answered sleepily. "It's it time for my tests yet?"

"No, not yet," he said gently as he sat on the edge of her bed. "I'll let you go back to sleep in a minute; I just wanted to see how you were feeling this morning."

"You don't have to go," she smiled. "So, what's that look on your face for, Shep? And don't lie because I can tell when you're lying."

Derek sighed. Leni knew him all too well; she always knew what he was feeling without him having to say a word. He ran his hand through his hair, trying to figure out exactly what he wanted to say; there was so much that he needed to explain but couldn't even understand for himself.

"You don't have to tell me. If you don't want to, you don't have to talk about it. But I think you should… If not with me, then with _somebody_. Keeping it inside isn't good for anything," she advised.

And he knew that she was right; sometimes Derek wondered how someone so young could have so much insight. He was glad she was there to put things into perspective, just like in the days when normalcy was the constant. He drew in a deep breath and then poured his heart out.

"I'm sorry. It's hard when nothing makes sense, isn't it?" Leni finally said, not judging or condescending. Just understanding, like she always was. Then a coy look overcame her face as she added, "But I don't know why they're fighting for you so damn hard, Shep. You snore."

He laughed and questioned, "When did I ever snore?"

"Seriously? When you used to come take naps in my room in the middle of a forty-eight hour shift, you sounded like a buzz saw. I didn't hold it against you because I knew you were exhausted, but it's the truth."

"Why didn't you ever wake me up then?"

A smile came over Leni's face as she whispered, "Because I knew that if you would be awake, you'd leave. And I didn't want you to leave."


	4. Chapter 4: Light House

**_Chapter Four: Light House_**

_And don't expect too much, okay?  
'Cause the best, the worst might have passed anyway  
And like the lighthouse, we watched it spin 'round and 'round  
There's just some things  
They aren't meant to touch the ground_

Maria Taylor

…

"Meredith, did you hear me?" Finn asked from across the table as they sat in the small, quiet restaurant that he'd introduced her to a few days before.

"Huh? Oh, yeah… That's unbelievable," she replied.

"You have no idea what I was talking about, do you?" he laughed.

She grinned back and answered, "Sorry. No. I'm a little bit distracted, I guess. Sorry."

But Finn shook his head. "No need to apologize. You wanna talk about it? Maybe I can help. What's on your mind?"

She sighed and took another sip of her wine. "I can't exactly talk about it; it's a patient thing, you know? I'm just worried about her, I guess. And something she said has really been on my mind." Leni's words were still echoing through her thoughts: _Everyone has something to tell…_ "How about we get out of here and go have a drink at Joe's?" she found herself suggesting, although she could barely believe that she had.

"Okay," Finn agreed and motioned for the waitress to bring their bill.

Twenty minutes later, they walked into Joe's. Meredith looked around and saw a few familiar faces, but Derek was nowhere to be found. In a way, she was relieved; it would have been terribly awkward. But a tiny part of her was feeling a twinge of… disappointment?

However, just when she thought all was safe, she heard Finn remark, "Oh, hey, there's Derek. He's by himself; maybe we should invite him to sit with us?" Before she could remark, however, he was already halfway there.

"Hey, there, Derek. Meredith and I noticed you were alone and wanted to invite you to join us for a drink," Finn offered.

For a moment, Derek sat in silent contemplation. He looked at Meredith for a moment, and despite the expression on her face, he finally said, "Thank you, Finn. I'd be glad to join you." He ordered another single-malt scotch from Joe and followed them to an empty table.

Trying to make the best of an uncomfortable situation, Meredith attempted some small talk. It was slightly painful to realize that conversation was becoming more and more difficult between them, but she pushed the thought from her mind. "So, where's Addison tonight? Still at the hospital?"

He shrugged and stared down at his drink. "She said something about a headache. She's probably at home."

"So, Derek, how is Doc doing? Is he eating all right? Acting normally?" Finn wondered, attempting to follow Meredith's cue and initiate some form of conversation.

He nodded. "Yeah, he's fine." A smile came over his face as he remarked suddenly, "Looks like you two are starting to get serious. I have to say I'm a little surprised."

Meredith shot him a look that would have shut him up immediately had he been sober, but Finn, who didn't see it, wondered, "Really? Why is that surprising?"

Derek laughed and answered, "Well, Mer's been working on her track record lately, if you know what I mean."

Finn looked a little bit flustered, but that was crossing the line as far as Meredith was concerned. "I cannot believe you just said that! I've put up with a lot of crap from you, but that's enough. _What_ is your problem?"

"I'm leaving," he said suddenly and stood to go.

"Don't you dare think about driving anywhere like that," Meredith stated. "Joe, call _Dr. Shepherd_ a cab. He's much too drunk to drive anywhere."

"You'd know all about that, wouldn't you?" he fumed.

"What the hell is _that _supposed to mean?" she demanded angrily, as she fought back tears that were already beginning to form in her eyes.

"Nothing. I'm _fine._ And I'm going; I'll get my own damn cab," he snapped and stormed out the door, causing a few questioning glances and speculating whispering.

"What was _that_ all about?" Finn wondered, genuinely perplexed.

Meredith sighed and brushed away a stray tear with the back of her hand. "Nothing. Just don't worry about it. It's nothing."

But it was painfully obvious to both of them that it was so much more than "nothing."

…

Leni looked up as she heard a knock at her door and was greeted with a smile from a pretty blonde doctor who looked vaguely familiar. "Hi," Leni smiled cheerfully.

"Hey, Leni. I'm Dr. Stevens, but you can just call me Izzie. I'm on call tonight, and there's not much going on, so I thought I'd stop by for a quick visit. Is that okay?"

"Izzie? Of course, come in," she nodded. So this was Alex's Izzie… the one he had spoken of to her when he thought she was asleep. The one who—although Leni knew he would take ages to admit—had his heart. "I'm always up for company; it gets really boring late at night."

Izzie smiled at her as she pulled up a chair beside Leni's bed. "What are you reading?"

"Addie brought me a bunch of magazines earlier since I'm not much of a TV person. Right now, I'm actually reading some sort of cooking one," she replied and held it up for Izzie to see. "The article is about tiramisu. I seriously need to learn how to bake; it seems so fun."

"I love to bake," Izzie smiled. "It isn't hard to learn; you could probably pick up on it really quick."

"I'll have to give it a try when I get out of here, then," Leni agreed. "So, what's on your mind?"

"Nothing really. I just… wanted to talk to you about your baby. I was wondering what you were planning to do."

Leni smiled; it was easy to see Izzie's genuine concern. "I've gotten everything taken care of. Elle is going to have a wonderful life. She'll be loved and looked after, and she'll never have to worry about anything."

She nodded and smiled. "Okay, then. It sounds like you've really thought this out. I just wanted make sure that you knew all your options. I know it's hard, but I wanted to make sure you were thinking about your baby _and_ yourself."

"I am," Leni assured her.

Just then, the Chief showed up in the doorway. Both Izzie and Leni turned their attention to him, to which he responded, "If I'm interrupting, I can… come back later."

"No, Chief, I should actually be going anyway. I have to check on a few other patients," Izzie said quickly and stood to leave, secretly grinning because of what Leni had revealed about him earlier. "See you, Leni. Take care."

"You, too, Izzie," Leni smiled. As the Chief sat down in the chair that Izzie had just left, Leni noticed what he was holding in his hand. "You brought ice cream."

He nodded and echoed, "I brought ice cream. You still like ice cream, right?"

"I do. Thank you, Uncle Richard," she smiled and took the bowl that he handed her. "Or should I call you 'Chief' now, since you're a big-shot around here and all?"

Richard laughed. "You can call me whatever you want to, Leni. It's good to see that you're still the same, even after all this time. It's good to have you around again."

"It's good to be with all of you again; I've really missed you. So much has happened since everyone left New York, Uncle Richard. I tried to keep everything from falling apart, but it did anyway, didn't it?"

Richard knew that Leni was talking about what had happened between Derek and Addison. He realized that it must have hit her just as hard as anyone else when Derek left for Seattle. "There was nothing you could've done about that, Leni."

"I _knew_ that something wasn't right, Uncle Richard, but I didn't say anything. I can't help but wonder what would've happened if I would've spoken up. I have to make sure that this is fixed." After a momentary pause, she added sadly, "Whatever 'fixed' ends up being."


	5. Chapter 5: Feel the Silence

**_Chapter Five: Feel the Silence_**

_And if we feel the silence  
Holding this all inside  
Everything means more now than  
Words could explain  
And if we feel the silence  
Leaving this all behind us  
When it's gone, what will you say?  
How do we hold on?  
__You lie awake at night  
With blue eyes that never cry_

The Goo Goo Dolls

…

"You're not coming anywhere near me with a needle today," Leni said the following morning as Meredith prepared to change her IV. She could tell that Meredith was beyond furious, and she decided that her arm wouldn't be the best outlet for that anger. "I never thought I'd say this, but Alex, _you_ do it."

Alex took over while Meredith moved to stand in the corner, her arms folded in front of her. In reply to Leni's silent question, Alex just shook his head as though to say, "Don't even open that can of worms."

When Derek walked into Leni's room a few minutes later, Meredith gave him a look and walked out without explanation.

Leni and Alex shared a glance as Alex commented just loud enough for Leni to hear, "Hell hath no fury like an ex-mistress scorned by her former boyfriend while he was drunk and saying things to her new boyfriend at the local bar."

But by the way Derek was looking, they both knew better than to say anything. His normally tidy appearance was a far cry from that; it was clear that the room was spinning as he attempted a professional demeanor.

Derek sat down in the chair next to Leni's bed and began, "I've been looking over your brain CT this morning, Leni, and…" But he couldn't bring himself to finish.

"Is it that bad, Shep?" she asked, for the first time beginning to worry. She was afraid that she was running out of time that was so precious to her unborn daughter. "Tell me the truth."

"The truth is that we need to do something about this as soon as possible. You've got an anaplastic oligodendroglioma on your temporal lobe. That means it's growing fast, and in essence, time is running out."

Leni took a deep breath as the reality sank in. "Elena comes first, though. If it's down to her or me, I'm going to choose her. I'm not having the surgery until I'm sure that she has a good chance of making it."

He nodded and took Leni's hand into his. The thought of losing her was almost more than he could bear, and he hoped desperately that her tumor would progress slowly enough to give them sufficient time to save both Leni and Elena. "All right. We're going to do your operation after Elena has had her surgery and is delivered. Addison is going to come and talk to you more about that, but we'll need to get Elle's done soon. You're currently at twenty-six weeks, and if we're lucky, Elle will hold on until at least thirty weeks. Then we'll take care of you."

Alex questioned Derek, "Can't we do the surgeries in a shorter time range? Why do we have to wait until she delivers? Wouldn't it be possible to perform Leni's surgery with the baby still in the uterus?"

But Leni was the one who answered. "I'm not having surgery until I'm sure that Elle can survive. If something happened to me during my surgery—not that I don't think you're an amazingly brilliant surgeon, Shep; I'm only being hypothetical—then that would mean Elle would be at risk, too. I won't do that to her."

Normally, Alex would have made some remark about that kind of decision, but for the first time, he could understand why someone would make that choice. Maybe it was because it felt like Leni knew more about her own condition than he did; maybe it was because that she had genuinely started to grow on him.

"Okay, then," he nodded and gave her a kiss on the forehead, just like he'd done since she was a little girl. "Don't be scared, Len. Addie and I are going to take care of you," he whispered assuringly. "You don't need to worry about anything, okay?"

"All right," she said, but they both knew that she didn't mean it.

…

"Whoa, Mer… what's the matter?" Cristina questioned as Meredith stormed past her in the hallway.

"I hate Derek. Really, I do," she fumed, and in reply to Cristina's sarcastic expression, she proceeded to explain the previous night's happenings. "And then he just got up and left. He must have one hell of a hangover this morning, though… Serves him right," she concluded. "I wonder what his problem is. Seriously."

Cristina just nodded but didn't say a word. It was so painfully obvious what McDreamy's problem was: He still loved Meredith. Of course, this was obvious to apparently everyone except Meredith and Addison, but that was an issue best left alone; it had caused enough trouble already. And as for Meredith and the Shepherds being "friends," Cristina knew there was a better chance of her giving up medicine to join the circus than that happening. "Where was the She-Shepherd?"

Meredith shrugged. "He said at home with a headache, but I don't know." After a brief pause, she said, "I have to go pick up the results of Leni's blood test. I think Addison may be doing the baby's surgery tomorrow."

"That soon? Seriously? And Evil Spawn gets to see it. God, I wish _I _would've pissed off the She-Shepherd."

Meredith laughed and quipped, "I'm sure there's still plenty of time for that. And Alex would probably be so grateful."

"You know, on the other hand, just knowing that he's so miserable is worth it."

Unbeknownst to the two interns, Addison had accidentally stumbled into their conversation at precisely the moment Meredith was revealing Derek's episode at Joe's. He hadn't wanted to talk about where he'd been that night, but she could smell the alcohol on his breath, and she knew.

However, she regained her composure and made her way to Leni's room. "Good morning," she said as cheerfully as she could manage. "Are you ready to talk about Elena's surgery, Leni? There are some things that I'd like to go over with you if you're feeling up to it."

Leni nodded. "Yeah, I am. How soon can you do it?"

"That's one of the things I wanted to discuss. The sooner Elena has the operation, the larger the impact it'll have, according to the statistics. I'd like to do the surgery tomorrow afternoon; I know it's sudden, but it's for the best."

"Okay. Whatever you think is best, Addie," the young girl agreed. She put on a brave face, but she was growing increasingly more afraid. Now that there was an actual date for the surgery—merely hours away—it all seemed too harshly real.

"For Elena's surgery, we're going to open up your womb and perform the operation without actually delivering her. We'll turn her over to be able to reach the exposed nerves, and we'll stretch the skin over the opening and sew it up. We're also going to insert a shunt to prevent hydrocephalus. Then we'll keep you on medication and bed rest until she's ready to be born. She'll probably need another surgery once she's a little older, but she should go on to lead a relatively normal life." Seeing the expression on Leni's face, she said, "I know it's a lot to take in, and I know it might seem overwhelming right now. But you have to keep your hopes up, Leni. Just think about how much Elena's life will be improved by these operations."

Leni just nodded and forced a smile. She would never mention it to Addison, but it wasn't Elena's surgery that she was worried about. Of course, it did weigh heavily on her mind, but she had complete faith in Addison's ability. What was on her mind was a secret that she had to keep until it just couldn't be hidden anymore.

…

No matter how hard she tried, Leni couldn't manage to fall asleep that night. Her mind was racing, and sleep was out of the question. She knew it was late; the soft footsteps in the hall, random beeping noises of the various machines in the surrounding rooms, and the occasional voice of a passing doctor or nurse were the only sounds she could hear.

With an impending month of strict bed rest, Leni decided that she would risk a short walk, if only for a brief change of atmosphere. However, she had barely made it out of her room when she heard someone calling out to her from down the hall.

"Hold on, Speedy. Where do you think you're going?" Cristina demanded as she hurried in Leni's direction.

"Speedy? Not exactly. But I was just going for a walk, nowhere too far," she replied casually.

But Cristina was unrelenting. "Nowhere too far is right; you need to get back to bed. It's two in the morning, and I don't think the Shepherds would be too happy if they knew you were wandering around the hospital in the middle of the night, right before your surgery."

"I'm about to be put on four weeks of bed rest, and since I've been here, the only things I've seen beside my room have been gigantic machines where I have to lie still for an hour or rooms where I get poked with needles so they can take stuff out of me or pump stuff into me. All I want is ten minutes of something other than a reminder of why I'm here," Leni pleaded and watched as Cristina's stern expression faded into empathetic contemplation.

"Don't move; I'll be right back," she instructed and returned a moment later pushing a wheelchair. "Sit down. I'll give you your ten minutes. As long as you're not walking around unattended, I don't see how it's going to hurt anything."

Leni smiled graciously and sat down. "Thank you, Dr. Yang," she said as she read the name off of Cristina's ID badge. "So, where are we going?"

"You've won an all-expenses paid trip to the vending machine," Cristina joked, surprising herself at her cheerful mood. "And… you can just call me Cristina if you want."

"Okay, Cristina. I hope I packed the right clothes," Leni teased back as Cristina wheeled her into the elevator.

Cristina and Leni finally arrived in an empty hallway where a few abandoned gurneys lined the walls. "You want anything?" she offered.

But Leni shook her head. "I can't. I'm not supposed to eat anything before the surgery," she shrugged. "This place is really peaceful; I like it down here. Is this where you guys hang out?"

"Yeah, pretty much," she answered as she tried to decide between pretzels and potato chips.

"Cristina… do you have kids?"

The question caught her off-guard, and she stared at Leni in silence for a moment before answering, "No, I don't. Why?"

"How do you choose? When it comes down it, how do you know what's right?" Leni questioned.

"What do you mean?" Cristina wondered, but she got no reply because the next moment, Leni's body was overtaken once again by a violent fit of seizures.

…

_How are you guys liking it? I'm thinking of writing a sequel if enough people want me to, so input is greatly appreciated!_


	6. Chapter 6: Fix You

**_Chapter Six: Fix You_**

_Tears stream down your face  
When you lose something you cannot replace  
Tears stream down your face  
__And I…  
Tears stream down your face  
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes  
Tears stream down your face  
__And I…_  
_Lights will guide you home  
__And ignite your bones  
__And I will try to fix you_

Coldplay

…

"What were you thinking taking her down there like that, Cristina? You're a doctor; I know that you know better than that," Addison fumed as they stood in Leni's room an hour later. Upon the news of Leni's episode, she and Derek had rushed right to the hospital; their disheveled appearances clearly said that they'd literally picked up everything and headed straight to Leni's side.

"Addie, don't yell at her; it's my fault," Leni said as she lay still in her bed while Derek examined her.

But Addison continued. "Do you have any idea what kind of damage could have been inflicted on her? On the baby? What were you thinking? Or better yet, were you even thinking _at all_?"

"Addison, stop it!" Leni demanded as she sat up, despite Derek's attempt to keep her still. "Don't yell at her. I know it's your job to be the boss, but did you ever think that maybe it's a good thing that she was with me? I was the one wandering around the hospital, and if Cristina hadn't seen me and brought me with her, I would've been alone when it happened."

Addison sighed and turned her attention to the young girl. "Leni, Sweetheart, there are rules that have to be followed, and Dr. Yang—" she started to explain, but Leni interrupted.

"Rules? Do you seriously wanna talk about rules, Addie?"

"You're tired and upset, Len; you've been through a lot these past few days, and I think it's starting to take its toll on you. Just close your eyes and get some sleep, okay?" Derek said gently as he tried to calm her down.

"You're right about one thing, Shep; I _am_ tired. I'm tired of the lies and the secrets and everything else. Do you have any idea how exhausting it is to watch you pretend like everything's fine? How exhausting it is to pretend like _I'm_ fine? I didn't speak up before and maybe I should have, so now I will."

"Cristina, will you excuse us please?" Addison requested, and Cristina hurried out of the room with a grateful glance in Leni's direction. "Leni, there are some things that you just can't understand until you've been through them."

"What is it that you're both trying so hard to prove?" the young girl demanded in exasperation; Derek and Addison shared a glance at one another, yet neither could quite find the answer.

…

"Dr. Bailey, I'd like to be taken off of Leni Campbell's case," Meredith requested immediately upon arriving at the hospital later that morning.

"Do I look like your cruise director?" Bailey questioned. "You are a professional; that means whatever personal problems you may be having are second to providing care to your patients. Understand?"

"Look, I'll take anything else. Whatever you want me to do, it's done," she practically pleaded.

After a moment of contemplation, she answered, "O'Malley, you're with Karev on Leni's case, then. Grey, you get the pit today."

"Thank you, Dr. Bailey," Meredith replied as she breathed a sigh of relief. As much as she hated to leave Leni's case, she just couldn't bear to be around Derek right now. It was too much, and she already had enough going on in her life without adding more unnecessary tension.

"You dropped a surgery for _the_ _pit_. What's your problem, Mer?" Cristina demanded as they walked out of the locker room.

"I just don't want to deal with Derek right now. I just… can't, Cristina," she answered with a look of pure exhaustion.

"Well, if it makes you feel any better, I got my wish, and I seriously pissed off the She-Shepherd," Cristina shrugged. "I took Leni downstairs and she had a seizure, and Addison went ballistic."

Meredith's expression suddenly changed to worry. "Leni had a seizure? Well, is she all right? What about the baby? What happened?"

She just shrugged and answered, "One minute, she was fine. She was talking and everything was normal; the next thing I knew, she was jerking around with her eyes rolling back. That tumor must be growing like crazy. Have you seen the CT? What did it look like?"

Meredith sighed; it certainly wasn't good. And according to Leni's medical history, this had been the second occurrence of the oligodendroglioma; the first had been when she was only four years old. Although it was an extremely rare form of cancer in children, it had a high rate of reoccurrence. And the odds were especially daunting for a case such as Leni's. "There's always hope, right?"

…

"And when you wake up, I'll be right there, okay, Sweetheart?" Addison whispered minutes before it was time to put Leni under. "I will be here the whole time, and Derek is coming soon, so you don't need to worry about anything."

"What about your other patients?"

Addison smiled and assured her, "You're my only patient today. Now just take a few deep breaths and the next time you open your eyes, it'll be all done."

A moment later, Addison took a deep breath and began. "Dr. Karev, I want you to keep your full attention on the fetal heart monitor, understand? If there is even the _slightest_ change, I want you to alert me immediately."

The surgery was painstakingly delicate, and Addison did her best to think like a surgeon. "All right; I'm about to open up the uterus; can someone page Dr. Shepherd for me?"

"No need. I'm here," Derek said as he walked into the OR. "How's she doing?"

"So far, so good. They're both holding out strong." After a brief pause, she whispered, "I'm in."

There was a moment of silent awe as the tiny hand gripped tightly around Addison's gloved finger. She fought back a tear as she whispered, "Hello there, Elena. We're going to make you better, Sweetheart. You just hold on for us."

"Look at that," Derek said in amazement. "Let's get this done, shall we? It's a beautiful day to save lives."

…

"Addie?" Leni whispered hoarsely as she woke in the ICU a few hours later. She was still a bit groggy from the medication, but bits and pieces were slowly coming back to her.

"I'm right here. You and Elle both did great; you're both doing fine."

"Where is Shep?"

"He had another surgery, but he'll be here later," she explained. "Are you feeling all right? Is there anything I can get for you?"

"No. Where are Alex and Meredith?"

A question like that from Leni didn't surprise Addison; Leni was already attached to the interns who had been caring for her, and Addison didn't doubt that they were fond of her as well. Even as a little girl, the first question from Leni was always to ask where "her interns" were. "Dr. Karev is seeing to another patient at the moment, and Dr. Grey… has asked to be taken off of your case." She expected Leni to be somewhat upset, but the young girl's reaction surprised her.

"Oh. She must still be mad at Shep, then. Alex told me they got into a fight the other night," Leni remarked, only halfway aware of the words that were coming out of her mouth. Under normal circumstances, she wouldn't have even mentioned it, but the combination of medication and exhaustion was taking its toll on her.

The comment, however, caught Addison's attention. "What exactly did Alex tell you, Leni?"

But Leni had fallen asleep before she could answer the question that was now weighing heavily on Addison's mind.

"Hey, how is she?" Derek asked as he entered her room. Affectionately, he brushed back a strand of Leni's dark hair and smiled.

"She just woke up for a minute; she was asking where everyone was, so I think she'll be okay."

"That's great," Derek smiled, relieved to know that even in this state, Leni was still Leni. Each operation she'd ever had—and there had been quite a few—always made Derek uneasy. Leni meant the world to him, and the thought of anything happening to her… He pushed the idea from his mind and savored the fact that at least for one more day, they still had her. "Did she say anything else?"

Addison started to repeat Leni's revelation, but she stopped abruptly and instead turned her attention to Leni and stroked her cheek distractedly as she slept. "No, nothing else."


	7. Chapter 7: Honesty

**_Chapter Seven: Honesty_**

_Honesty is such a lonely word  
Everyone is so untrue  
Honesty is hardly ever heard  
And mostly what I need from you  
I can always find someone  
To say they sympathize  
If I wear my heart out on my sleeve  
But I don't want some pretty face  
To tell me pretty lies  
All I want is someone to believe_

Billy Joel

…

"I'll see your stick of gum and raise you a pretzel," Leni said as she tossed a pretzel onto the tray near her bed. A week had passed since the operation, and she was finally starting to feel a bit better again; George and Alex, who had both been assigned to remain by Leni's side, found it to be a welcome break from the chaos of their normal hospital routine.

"O'Malley, you in or what?" Alex questioned.

After a brief pause, George decided, "No, I fold."

"Why are you even playing if you're just gonna fold every time? Dude, you have to take some risks. Leni's kicking both our asses."

Just then, Cristina passed them as she was walking through the hall. Doubling back, she questioned, "What are you doing?"

"Losing," Alex replied. "Hey, Crackwhore, you any good at poker? Fetus isn't helping at all, and I want my lunch back."

Cristina looked at him for a moment then asked, "Why would I help _you_, Evil Spawn? Leni, keep kicking his ass."

"C'mon. What else do you have to do? Are you scared you might lose, Yang?" Alex goaded with a grin.

Defensively, Cristina pulled up a chair next to them. "No, I'm not _scared._ And I could kick your ass any day of the week, Karev."

"All right, let's finish this hand. I have two pair—threes and nines," he smiled.

A discouraged look came over Leni's face, and she let out a heavy sigh. "Man, this sucks. I have a pair of queens." But just as Alex went to take the winnings, Leni put her hand over his and continued, "Good thing I called their twin brothers over for a visit. Sorry, Evil Spawn. Looks like you're gonna go hungry this afternoon."

"Dude, how is it possible for you to win almost every hand that isn't a draw?" he questioned as he threw his hands up in defeat. "I'm seriously taking you with me to Vegas one of these days."

Leni laughed, then winced in pain. She was still sore from the operation, but she was determined not to let it ruin her good time.

"Are you all right, Leni?" George asked in concern. "Do you need to rest?"

"No, I'm fine," she assured them. "Really, I'm okay. I'm just a little bit sore… it's nothing. C'mon, Karev, deal the cards. You've got Twinkies that I wanna win."

But suddenly, Alex was all business. "No, I think it's time for a break, Leni. I'm going to check your bandages, and then we'll let you rest for a while. The Shepherds'll be pissed if we wear you out too much."

"Okay, fine," Leni agreed, knowing that he was right. "Will you come back later?"

As he changed the bandage over her stitches, he smiled and nodded. "Of course. You have all my food, and I want it back." Leni smiled, and Alex couldn't help but smile back.

…

"Hey, Meredith, I'd really like to talk to you about the other night," Derek said, finally managing to corner her after a week of failed attempts. She didn't say anything, so he continued, "I'm so sorry. That was out of line, and I apologize. I don't know what got into me or why I said those things, but I didn't mean them. And I'm sorry."

"Is this always what it's going to come to, Derek? Us hurting one another and apologizing, just to do it again?"

"What are you saying, Meredith?"

She took a deep breath and sighed heavily. "I don't know anymore, Derek. Don't you ever just get tired of it all?"

"Tired of what?"

"Nothing… just forget it. How's Leni?"

"She's doing great," he smiled as her name was mentioned. "She keeps asking about you, though. It would mean a lot to her if you stopped by to say hello."

She nodded. "I'll do that, then. I've been meaning to anyway. Well, I have to go… check on some labs. 'Bye, Derek."

"But we're okay, though, right?" he called after her.

"As close as we'll ever be to okay, I guess," she shrugged, leaving him standing alone in the hallway as she walked away.

Derek put his hands to his head and tried to make sense of everything—to sort things out in his mind and understand how things had fallen apart so quickly. At that moment, there was only one place he wanted to be.

…

"Shep! Thank God… Alex and George and Cristina all left me, and I'm about to go crazy with boredom," Leni greeted him happily when he showed up in her room a few moments later.

Even on his worst day, Leni's smile could make everything seem all right. Suddenly, the memory of the little girl he'd come to love so much came to mind, and he couldn't help but smile.

"_Shep!" the two-year-old squealed excitedly as he appeared in the doorway._

"_Hey, Leni. I have a surprise for you," he told her and watched as her eyes grew wide as he handed her a chocolate chip cookie. He lowered the railing and sat on the edge of her bed and continued, "I need someone to talk to, Leni, and I think you just might be the perfect person. Is that okay?"_

"_Okay," she repeated happily, with a mouthful of cookie, giving him a smile that never ceased to melt his heart._

"_I think… that I want to ask Addison on a date, but… I don't know if I should or what to say or… I don't know. All of a sudden, she's all I can think about. Except when I'm around her, then I can't seem to think at all. Tell me what to do, Leni."_

"_Addie?" the little girl questioned and grinned knowingly; merely an hour before, Addison had been sitting in the same spot, confessing nearly identical sentiments to the young child._

"_What do you know that I don't, Lennon Rose Campbell?" Derek laughed and tickled her, causing Leni to break into a fit of giggles. After a moment, he stopped and wondered again, "So what's your verdict, Len? Should I ask Addie out on a date?"_

_Still smiling, she echoed, "Ask."_

_He patted her affectionately atop her dark curls before he stood to leave. "I'll see you later, Len. And thanks for your help, kiddo."_

"_Bye-bye, Shep!" she waved. "Love you!"_

"_Love you, too, Len."_

"Sounds like you had quite a party going on in here," he said, bringing himself back to the present moment, as he took a seat next to Leni's bed.

"I was just beating the pants off them at poker," she grinned and pointed to the large pile of vending machine snacks. "I'm feeling kind of bad about winning Alex's lunch, though, so I might have to go easy on him and let him win it back."

"Looks like I may have taught you a little too well, Len."

"Uncle Richard always said I was painfully like you," she told him; she had always taken the remark as a compliment. "So, what's on your mind? I mean, I know I'm _gorgeous_ and all—nauseous and green and cow-like is in this season and these pajamas are the fashion statement of the year—but I'm pretty sure that's not why you're here."

Derek sighed. "Tell me what to do, Len. I just wish that things could go back to the way they were—when things made since at least part of the time."

"Sometimes letting go takes more than holding on, doesn't it?"

"So you think that Addison and I should let go?"

But Leni shook her head. "I didn't say that. But Addie isn't the only one you're holding onto, is she? You have to make a choice, Shep. You can't have them both, but you could just as easily end up with neither." She stopped for a moment and let her words sink in before she continued. "I know that what happened—what Addie did—was a terribly painful thing for you. But she was hurting, too, Shep. That doesn't make it right, but this game that you're playing… that isn't right, either."

"Looks like I've dug myself into a pretty deep hole, haven't I?"

"Yeah, you have," she agreed. "But you know what? I'm standing on the edge of the hole, waiting to pull you up. But you have to start climbing so I can reach."

"How is it that you're always right?"

"You know I love you all so much, Shep, but you guys screw up way too much for me to even _think_ about making a mistake. Who would take care of you? Sometimes it seems surgeons are so busy fixing other people that you don't even realize how broken _you_ are."

He laughed, mostly because he knew that it was the truth. "Good thing I have you to keep me in line, Len."

"You know I'm only telling you all this 'cause I love you so much and I care, right? I'm not trying to make you feel bad or anything. I don't have a long time to say all the things that need to be said, so I'm not missing a single opportunity."

"You 'don't have a long time'? Where are you planning on going, Miss?"

"You know, back to New York. I can't live at Seattle Grace forever, Shep."

"Actually, I've been meaning to talk to you about that. Staying, I mean. In Seattle, not the hospital."

Leni laughed and asked, "With you and Addie?" When he nodded, she questioned further, "Do you seriously think there's room for four people and a dog in a trailer? Addie told me there's barely room to think as it is now, and there are only two of you and Doc."

"We'd figure something out," he assured her. "Think about it. At least until you get back on your feet after your surgery."

She paused for a moment, but there was so much weighing on her mind with the present that she almost didn't even _want_ to try to fathom the future because any thoughts aside from here and now were nothing that she wanted to dwell upon. "I'll think about it," she agreed.

"Len… Are you okay?" he asked, noting the expression on her face.

"Yeah, I feel fine," she said and forced a smile.

But he wasn't convinced. "You sure?"

"Shep, you've got enough to worry about. Seriously, don't worry; lucky for me, some problems have easy solutions."

He nodded. "You know you can talk to me, though, if you need to, right? I don't mind, and I've always got time to listen to my best girl. I know I've got a lot going on, but I'm never too busy for you, okay?"

"I know," she whispered. But she had the feeling that what she was keeping would break his heart.


	8. Chapter 8: Connected

**_Chapter Eight: Connected_**

_We are connected,  
We'll never be alone  
We walk together,  
Forever down that road  
And if you fall behind,  
And don't know what to do  
I promise I'll be waiting there for you  
Follow me into a better day  
We'll be all right,  
No matter what they say_

Hoobastank

…

"Finn, what are you doing here?" Meredith asked, pleasantly surprised, as she arrived at the Nurses' Station to answer a page.

"I have a few hours off, so I just wanted to stop by and bring you some lunch. You do have time for some Italian, right?" he smiled and held up the bag of take-out.

She nodded. "Okay. I just have to go check on someone real quick, and then we can have lunch," she said, and the two walked into the elevator. "I promised a patient I'd stop in for a minute, and this is the first chance I get. I hope you don't mind too much." The truth was that she had been by Leni's room at least three times that week, but each time Leni was either asleep or with another one of the interns. And Meredith wanted some alone time with Leni, even if only for a few moments.

"No, not at all," he agreed cheerfully. He was just glad to spend a little time with her, and he didn't mind waiting.

They arrived on the fourth floor, and Meredith asked, "Could you just wait out here for a minute?" He nodded, and she walked into Leni's room.

"Meredith, hey! I'm so glad you're here. You look… happier today. Things going better?"

"I've been meaning to come by, but this was the first chance I could get alone with you. I just wanted to talk for a little while, to check up on you and make sure things were all right. And to let you know that things are okay with me, too," Meredith smiled as she sat on the edge of Leni's bed. "So, are Alex and George taking good care of you?"

Leni nodded and replied, "Yeah, they are. They're in and out of here all the time trying to keep me entertained. Poor George looks like he's going to have a nervous breakdown every time I wince, but I think Alex is getting used to things on the gyno-squad, as he calls it. And Izzie and Cristina stop by all the time, too."

"I meant to, Leni… I really did. Actually, I came by a few times, but… well, I'm here now. You're looking great. No pain or anything?"

"No, just boredom," she joked, then added, "But it's worth it. Having Elle healthy is worth it."

"Have you heard her heartbeat yet?" Meredith wondered.

She nodded. "Addie let me listen to it the other day after the surgery, but it's been about a week since I've heard it."

A grin came over Meredith's face as she said, "Well, you're in for a treat, then." She then proceeded to prep Leni for an ultrasound.

There was a moment of silence, followed by the rapid thump-thump of Elena's heart. Leni was grinning from ear to ear at the sound, and she smiled even more as Meredith gave her a glimpse of her unborn daughter on the ultrasound screen.

"That's her head, and that white line is her spine. Looks like she's sucking her thumb, actually," Meredith informed her. "Everything is looking great."

"Thank you, Meredith. It's so nice to hear good news for a change," Leni told her. Suddenly her attention turned to the doorway as she noticed an unfamiliar man lingering outside. "Hey, there. Yeah, you at the door. Do you need help with something? Are you lost? Help him, Mer; he looks a little bit lost."

"Actually, Leni, this is Finn," Meredith introduced him as he walked timidly into the room.

Her face lit up as the realization hit her. "Oh! _Finn_… the vet! It's very nice to meet you; it's good to be able to put a face to a name."

He grinned and questioned, "So, Meredith's been talking about me, then? Good things, I hope."

"Yes, good things," she assured him. "It gets sort of boring in here, so I bug all the interns until they tell me all the sordid details of their personal lives. I have to admit that they're the reason that TV bores me… Reality is _so_ much more interesting."

Meredith turned to Leni and questioned jokingly, "Who's been telling you sordid details? I know _I_ haven't told you any sordid details." She paused for a moment then demanded, "What has Alex been telling you?"

"Nothing that he wants repeated, I'm sure," Leni said, then laughed at the expression that overcame Meredith's face. The truth was that Alex had finally confided to Leni his real feelings for Izzie. He's said that he made a mistake because he'd been afraid to love her—and now that he was finally owning up to that feeling, he was afraid that maybe he had lost her for good. But his secret was safe with her.

"Well, you tell him to stop polluting your mind," Meredith laughed, just as Addison walked into the room.

"Who's polluting your mind, Leni?" she wondered with a smile.

"Alex Karev," she said, then added, "But not too much; only enough to keep me entertained. And nowhere _near_ what you and Shep used to—"

"_Okay_, change of topic," Addison interrupted, and Leni laughed as Addison blushed a little. "You've always got a party going on in here, Len. You've gotta give the interns a break every once in a while, you know," she smiled.

But Meredith spoke up. "It was my idea to come. I missed Leni and just wanted to see how she was doing. But Finn and I were just leaving." To Leni, she said, "You get some rest now, okay? And try not to be so hard on Alex when you guys play poker; I've had to buy him lunch twice this week."

"I offered to give his food back, but he's stubborn," she explained. "But if you see him, tell him that I seriously can't eat all this food by myself."

She laughed and promised, "I'll do that, Leni. See you." She and Finn both waved good-bye and left the room, leaving Addison alone with Leni.

"You know, I really do like Meredith; she seems sweet. It's a shame that you two didn't come together under different circumstances; I think you would've been really good friends."

"What're you talking about? Meredith and I _are_ friends," Addison defended, although she had the feeling that Leni was about to make a very valid point. Somehow, the young girl had a way of pointing out the obvious that no one else could see.

"No, you're _pretending_ to be friends. See… if you were really friends, you wouldn't've turned ten shades of red when I mentioned you and Shep. And she's scared of you, Addie. There's probably a part of you that can be intimidating. I mean, _I'm_ not scared of you, by any means, but I'm sure some people around here are."

"Who do I intimidate?"

"Probably a lot of people. I mean, you're beautiful, intelligent, successful… You've got a lot about you to be admired." She stopped, then started laughing. "You don't scare Alex, though. He called you a 'gyno-beast.' Why's he so pissed at you?"

"In this hospital, I am a teacher. It's my job to keep these interns in line and teach them whatever lessons I feel they need to learn. I am currently in the process of teaching Alex Karev a very important lesson," Addison explained as she looked over Leni's chart.

"I think he's learning. He's not a bad guy… just a little egotistical at times. But not about poker anymore. The others are all nice, too; they've all been trying so hard to make me happy and comfortable."

Addison smiled at the young girl. Not so long ago, she had been one of the interns sneaking off to spend time with Leni. Most people tended to spend their free time—or their not-so-free time—in the company of the young girl. Because with Leni, there was a sense of normalcy, of stability, of strength. Being around her made one feel safe and as though no matter how bad things seemed, there would always be a "better." It was Leni's gift to make others feel that way, and so many were drawn to her because of it. "You're a good patient. You make our job easier, and we appreciate that… I see Meredith did an ultrasound."

"Yeah, she said everything looked fine. Do you think she'll be okay, Addie? I mean, I know you said she would, but what do you really think?"

"What I think," she began, "is that Elena is going to be a fighter… Just like her mom. I think she'll be wonderful and healthy and lead a great life. And to top it all off, her mom is amazing."

Leni sighed. There was so much to think about. "Addie… if you and Shep could've had kids, would you have?"

Addison thought about it for a while. She adored children, so it had been quite a devastation to discover that she was unable to have any. A part of her had always felt like something was missing—like there was an empty space that nothing could ever fill—well, nothing except Leni. "Yes, I would've liked that. I would've wanted my child to be just like you." She then did something that she hadn't done since Leni was a little girl—she climbed into Leni's bed and lay next to her, resting her head on Leni's shoulder.

"Are you all right, Addie?"

"Tell me that everything will be all right, Len. Tell me that things will work out they way they're supposed to, and that this whole mess isn't irreparable."

She stroked Addison's hair and tried to be the grown-up of the situation. "I can promise that it won't be like this forever. Sometimes even if things don't go the way we'd planned, they still turn out okay. Right?"

"Derek and I… we wanted to adopt you," she confided suddenly, seemingly out of nowhere. But Leni's last remark struck something inside her, and she felt that it was time to let Leni know.

Leni, however, was speechless; no one had ever mentioned that to her before. "What?"

"Yeah. We wanted to adopt you. We talked to your dad about it, but he said no. You weren't our daughter legally, but in our hearts… you've always been our little girl. I just wanted you to know that. And if there's anything at all you need—with the baby or anything else—we're here for you."

"Anything?"

"Yes, of course. Is there something you need?"

But Leni shook her head. "No, not yet. But if I think of anything, I'll be sure to let you know. I'm sure something will come up. Oh, and Addie?"

"Hmm?"

"You were a good mom; you and Shep were good parents. I spent more time with you than I did with my dad, anyway." Then laughingly she questioned, "Do you remember that time you and Shep snuck me out of the hospital before I had my first neuro operation to go on a ferryboat ride? You two could've gotten arrested for that."

Addison laughed out loud at the memory of herself and Derek sneaking the four-year-old out of the hospital, trying desperately not to get caught. But Leni had asked for a ferryboat ride, and even then, they would do absolutely anything to see her smile. "I remember."

"You'll have to take Elle on a ferryboat ride when she's older. Promise?"

"Promise."


	9. Chapter 9: Green Eyes

**_Chapter Nine: Green Eyes_**

_Honey, you are a rock  
Upon which I stand.  
And I come here to talk,  
I hope you understand  
That green eyes  
Yeah, the spotlight  
Shines upon you.  
And how could anybody deny you?  
I came here with a load  
And it feels so much lighter now I met you.  
And, honey, you should know  
That I could never go on without you._

Coldplay

…

"Alex… I'm starting to feel kind of strange," Leni said suddenly in the middle of their Blackjack lesson; out of pity, she'd offered to show them a thing or two about the game.

She wasn't one to complain, so Alex was immediately on alert. "Okay, Len… How are you feeling bad? What hurts?" he questioned, trying to remain as calm as possible although he had already begun to tense up.

"My head hurts and I feel like I'm going to vomit… and I keep seeing these flashing lights," she replied as she dropped the cards.

"Do you think it's the tumor?" George wondered aloud.

"Could be," he replied, but then he noticed something unusual that he couldn't believe he didn't see before. "Leni, when did your hands start swelling like that?"

She shrugged. "Within the past couple of days, I guess? That's normal, though, right?"

But instead of answering her question, he said, "I'm just going to check your blood pressure again, okay?" He had a sinking feeling that he knew what it was. "One-fifty over ninety-five," he said, confirming his worst fears. "O'Malley, go page Addison Shepherd right now. Run, damn it!"

_Pre-eclampsia,_ George realized immediately with a jolt of fear. They all knew that Leni was like a ticking bomb, but the reality was beyond terrifying.

"Alex, don't let my baby die," Leni pleaded as the tears began to stream down her face. "No matter what, don't let anything happen to Elle."

He took her hand into his and assured her, "I'm not letting either of you go anywhere, okay? Hang tight, Len; George'll be back any minute with Addison, and then she'll take care of everything." As he stood near her bed trying to keep her calm, he silently willed George to hurry.

…

"Where's Dr. Shepherd—Addison Shepherd?" George demanded when he arrived at the Nurses' Station a moment later.

Olivia noted his frantic look but didn't waste time on questions. "She's in OR two," she answered and watched as he hurried away.

When he got to the operating room, he quickly grabbed a mask and burst through the door. "Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd—"

"Dr. O'Malley, I am in the middle of an operation. _What_ is so important?" Addison demanded.

However, when George replied, "It's Leni," her face dropped. "Her BP is skyrocketing, and we need you to come right away. We don't know what to do."

Her heart was racing, but she did her best to keep her composure. "Dr. O'Malley, I want you to go back into that room, and you and Dr. Karev will do whatever it is you have to do to keep her stable. I'll be there as soon as I'm finished here, but until then, I am counting on you two to make sure that nothing happens to either one of those little girls. I want you to administer an intravenous dose of lebetalol—twenty milligrams over two minutes. That should hold her until I get there, but if not, give her forty milligrams more after ten minutes," she instructed. "I'll be there as soon as I can."

In the hallway, he came across Meredith, Cristina, and Izzie, who all noted his panicked state and wondered what was wrong.

Izzie, however, was the one to question. "George, what's going on? You look a little… freaked out."

"You busy? Come with me," he said in practically the same breath, and they followed him straight to Leni's room, where Alex was slowly beginning to panic, despite his best efforts.

"Where the hell is the She-Shepherd?" he demanded. "She's getting worse; she's barely freaking conscious."

"It's okay; she told me what to do," George replied then repeated what Addison had instructed, "Twenty milligrams of lebetalol over two minutes."

"Well, did you get the lebatalol?" Alex demanded.

"Damn it!" George replied as he hurried out of the room once more.

"What's wrong with her?" Meredith wondered as she gently stroked Leni's dark hair; it was extremely unnerving to see her face hidden under the oxygen mask as she struggled to stay awake.

"Pre-eclampsia. She was fine a few minutes ago, then all of a sudden, her BP was out of control. We were playing cards one minute, and the next… she was like this."

Meredith could see the worry in Alex's face and heard it in his voice. She'd never seen him like this over a patient before. "She'll be okay, Alex. George is on his way with the meds, and Addison will be here in a few minutes."

"Okay, twenty milligrams over two minutes," George said again, shaking nervously.

"Give it to me," Alex demanded, then proceeded to inject the medication into her IV. "Stay with us, Leni… This is going to make you feel better, okay? Say something, Len."

"I'm scared, Alex," she whispered.

At that point, Izzie and Cristina joined the others at Leni's bedside. The first lesson they'd been taught was not to get attached to patients, but with Leni, they couldn't help it. They couldn't help but want to calm her fears and make everything better for her; after all, she had done the same for them.

They watched as her heart rate slowly but steadily returned to normal, and they all breathed a sigh of relief. However, it was only a matter of minutes before something else went wrong.

"Elena's heart rate is dropping," Izzie pointed out suddenly. "Why is that happening? That shouldn't be happening."

"Where the hell is the She-Shepherd?" Alex asked nervously to no one in particular. "I don't know what to do, but we have to fix this fast or we're going to lose the baby. I told Leni I'd make sure her baby was okay. Damn it! Where is she?"

Meredith wondered, "Izzie, have you seen anything like this before? You've spent a lot of time with Addison."

But as Izzie shook her head, Cristina announced, "Guys, it's getting lower. We have to do something. Somebody go get Bailey!"

"She's doing a gastrectomy," George informed them, and they all looked at one another in confusion and fear, hoping desperately that one among them had the answer.

"Screw it; the baby has to come out. That's the only way she'll have a chance," Alex decided and began prepping Leni for an emergency C-section.

"What? You can't just start cutting her open!" George replied.

Meredith put her hands to her head worriedly as she seconded, "He's right, Alex. Do you even know what you're doing? Do you seriously have any idea how easy it is to mess something like that up?"

"I've done it once before; I'm pretty sure I remember everything. If you're gonna help me, then get over here. Otherwise, just back the hell off and let me do this," he told them.

After a moment of silence among them, with the exception of Alex moving around the room prepping Leni, Izzie offered, "I've helped with a C-section before. I'll help you."

"I'm in," Cristina also volunteered, and finally the other two added their support.

Right before Alex administered the anesthesia, he whispered into Leni's ear, "We're gonna put you to sleep now, okay? But when you wake up, everything will be fine."

"I trust you," she assured them before her dark lashes closed over her bright green eyes.

Alex took a deep breath and began reciting aloud what he was supposed to do. "Okay, vertical cut from the navel down."

"You do realize how screwed we are when the She-Shepherd finds out about us doing this, right?" Cristina questioned bluntly, causing the other four to stare blankly back at her.

Meredith and George replied simultaneously, "Yes."

"All right, then. Just making sure that everyone realized it. Go ahead."

"Okay, now you need to make an incision across the uterus… but be careful not to go too deep or you'll risk hurting the baby. A vertical incision is quicker, but a horizontal gives her a better chance of not needing a repeat c-section for other births," Izzie added.

"We have to be quick," Alex decided and proceeded with the vertical incision. "Okay, amniotic sac is next… Look, there she is! Cristina, push down right here so I can take hold of her," he instructed.

Moments later, Elena Amélie entered the world. She was small, but she started to cry immediately, and at that moment, the interns couldn't help but feel like crying tears of joy as well.

"Hey, Green Eyes. Happy birthday," Alex grinned as he handed her off to Meredith.

"Go page someone from peds," Meredith instructed as she got a closer look at the tiny baby in her arms. "She looks okay, but we need to be sure."

But just as George was turning to leave, Addison appeared in the doorway and, viewing the scene before her, demanded, "What is going on here? What the hell did you do?"

"We had to deliver the baby. She was going to die if we didn't do something quick," Alex explained, honestly not caring very much whether or not he had pissed Addison off. He'd done what he needed to do, and that was all that mattered to him. That was all that mattered to any of them.

Her eyes darted from Leni—who had yet to be stitched back up—to the tiny infant in Meredith's arms. She moved quickly to examine Elena and after a moment decided that she was doing just fine; Addison knew that she was a fighter. "We'll need to have her sent to the NICU stat," she instructed, then turned her attention to Leni. "I'll finish this, Dr. Karev. Nice work. All of you—nice work."

They looked around at one another and smiled in silent congratulations to themselves. And as they looked at Elena, so small and fragile yet so full of life, they couldn't help but be proud. Together, they'd managed to bring a life into the world, and that was something they'd always look back on and remember as one of the proudest moments of their lives.

…

"Isn't she the most beautiful baby you've ever seen?" Addison asked Derek as they stood in the NICU later that evening. "And look—she's moving her legs, Derek. She can move her legs." She said the last remark with tears beginning to build; their miracle baby was continuing to amaze them.

"She's definitely beautiful… She looks so much like Leni," he agreed as he gently stroked Elena's cheek. "I talked to Leni about staying with us for a while."

"Really? Well, what did she say?"

"She said she'd think about it," he answered, all the while never turning his attention from the sleeping newborn. "I'm going to stay the night with Elena. I have an early surgery tomorrow anyway. You should go home and get some rest."

But Addison shook her head. "If I left, I'd be too worried to sleep. Besides, between the two of us, it'll be easier to keep an eye on both of them. Leni's still sleeping, but I told the nurses to page me the second she wakes up. Do you think we should call Bill?"

Bill was Leni's father—in the biological sense, anyway. But aside from paying Leni's medical expenses, Bill Campbell might as well not even have existed, at least as far as Derek was concerned. "No, Addison, I don't think we should call Bill. Leni doesn't owe that man anything, and he doesn't deserve to take part in this. Give me one good reason why he should be a part of this?"

"I don't like him, either, Derek, but he _is_ her father," she answered.

"She's medically emancipated, Addison. She flew across the country on her own, and he hasn't called _once_ the entire time she's been here. They don't need him; they have us, and we'll take care of them."

She almost asked just how they were supposed to take care of those two little girls when they could barely handle their own disaster. However, she just took a deep breath and managed a smile as Elena once more gripped her finger with her tiny hand.

…

Meanwhile, Leni opened her eyes and tried to figure out exactly where she was. The hospital smell was unmistakable, but nothing else seemed to make sense. She attempted to sit up but suddenly felt a gentle restraining push on her shoulder.

"Leni, I'm gonna need you to lie back, all right?" a woman instructed, and Leni looked up to see a vaguely familiar face smiling back at her. "My name is Dr. Bailey. I don't know if you remember me, but I'm the one who's supposedly in charge of those five knuckleheads who have taken it upon themselves to take care of you."

"I remember," she replied, a bit surprised at the feebleness of her own voice. "Where are the knuckleheads?" she managed with a grin.

Bailey also smiled, pleased to see for herself that everything they'd said about her had been true. "If they have any sense at all, they're at home getting some sleep. More than likely, that's the _last_ place they are. Do you know what happened today, Leni? Do you remember?"

She paused, trying to remember what had happened. But she couldn't come up with very much. "I was playing cards with George and Alex, and I started feeling sick, and then… I don't really remember anything after that. Oh, my God… Is Elle okay?"

"She's doing just fine. They had to do an emergency C-section—Karev and the others—but the baby is just fine. She's tiny, but she was breathing on her own, according to Grey. She was three pounds, two ounces with a head full of dark little curls. And big green eyes, just like you," she reported to Leni, who smiled in relief at the news.

"When can I see her?"

"As soon as the anesthesia wears off fully, you'll be able to go to the NICU; it shouldn't be more than a few hours. The Shepherds are in there with her right now. I can go get them for you," she offered.

But Leni shook her head. "No, that's okay. Elle needs them more right now, and I want them with her. They need to be with her."


	10. Chapter 10: The Tide

_**Chapter Ten: The Tide**_

_  
No, Heaven's not a place that you go when you die  
It's that moment in life when you touch her and feel alive  
So live for the moment  
And take this advice, live by every word  
Love's completely real, so forget anything that you've heard  
And live for the moment now_

The Spill Canvas

…

"Hey, Sweetheart. I know you don't want to leave Elle, but you really need to get your rest," Addison replied with a yawn as she rubbed the sleeping teenager's back. It was about three o'clock in the morning, and Leni had been in the NICU since a little past midnight.

"I can't leave her, Addie," Leni replied, her hand still wrapped around Elena's. "I don't want to miss a second with her."

However, Derek found himself agreeing with Addison. "C'mon, Princess. You need your sleep," he whispered as he scooped her up into his arms. "I'll stay with you, and Addison will stay will Elle, and you can come back after you get a few hours of sleep."

Normally, she would have put up more of a fight, but she knew that they were right and she _was_ exhausted. Instead of arguing, she just wrapped her arms around Derek's neck while he carried her back to her room.

He placed her onto her bed and tucked her in, just like he'd done countless times before. No matter how old she got, he'd always see her as his little girl. Sitting down beside her, he suddenly found himself wondering, "Len, can I ask you something?"

"Of course, Shep," she agreed sleepily.

He took a deep breath and asked shakily, "Did you know? About Mark, I mean. Did you know that Addison was having an affair?"

"I knew that something wasn't right between you and Addie. I tried to get you to listen, Shep; you wouldn't listen to her, but I thought that maybe you would listen to me. But you just… didn't want to hear. Maybe you weren't ready," she told him, studying the expression on his face. He sort of looked like a scared little boy, she decided. "I knew that something was wrong, but I didn't know about the affair until you told me."

"Do you think we can fix this?"

She smiled and assured him, "There's a way to fix it, Shep. And we both know what that is… The real question isn't 'Can it be fixed?' but 'Will you fix it?' You're a good person, and I know you'll make the right choice. But I can tell you this: Life is far too precious to waste being unhappy. It isn't fair to waste your time or theirs."

…

"Oh. I didn't think anybody else would be in here this early," Alex replied as he walked into the NICU and spotted Addison sitting in a chair by Elena's incubator. "I'll just come back later."

But she stood up and replied, "Actually, I was just about to leave to go check on a few patients, so I'm glad you stopped by. I'm sure Leni will be back in here any minute and I'll be back as soon as I can, but I really didn't want to leave Elle alone in the meantime. Would you mind staying until then?"

"No, of course not. How was her night?" he wondered, warily approaching the incubator where Addison—or Satan's whore, as she was better known among the interns—stood smiling as she looked at Elena.

"It was good. Long and stressful, but she came through just fine. She's pulled through the worst of it, so all we have left to do now is wait." She looked up and added, "I know I've said it a hundred times already, but thank you. And… I'm going to talk to Dr. Bailey today and let her know that you are no longer obligated to my service."

A moment later, Alex found himself alone with Elena—with the exception of the NICU nurse who was tending to another child at the moment. "Hey, Green Eyes. You're looking better this morning." He grinned and added, "And you got me off the gyno-squad. You're my hero, kid."

Izzie watched quietly from the doorway while Alex talked sweetly to Elena. As much of an ass as he could be sometimes, things like this made her realize that deep down, there really was more. She just wished he wouldn't be so determined to keep that hidden. "Hey, how's she doing?"

"Good. She's good," he answered as he straightened up, realizing that there was someone else in the room.

"Why do you do that?"

"Do what?"

She sighed. "Act so sweet and gentle when you think you're alone with Elle, and the second someone comes around, you put on that tough act. Why can't you just admit that maybe there's somebody in this world that gets to you? That little girl gets to you, doesn't she? She makes you care, and it kills you to realize that. I saw how worried you were about them, so don't pretend you don't care." She started to leave but turned back around and added, "You shouldn't be so afraid to let people in, Alex. You might be surprised."

"Yeah, right," he muttered under his breath right after she walked out the door. "Elle, promise me something, okay? Promise me that when you grow up, you won't be one of those crazy girls who has no idea what she wants and changes her mind every ten seconds."

"Sorry, Alex, but we're all like that," Leni teased as she walked up to them.

"Hey, look at you. Guess you're feeling all right."

She nodded then grinned. "But enough about me. So, Elle and I are curious to know what's going on between you and…" She leaned in and whispered, "Izzie." When he tried to shrug off the question, she replied, "Alex Karev, I trusted you to cut me open and deliver my kid, but you won't trust us with this? Seriously!"

"You've definitely been spending too much time with Meredith and Izzie and Cristina," he laughed as he pulled up a chair for Leni. "I messed up. I screwed up royally, Len."

"People mess up," she assured him. "But that's the beauty of it—if you try hard enough, sometimes people forgive you. Then you realize how close you came to losing something wonderful, and you work twice as hard for the rest of your life to never lose it again."

"Leni, there you are," George said as he joined them.

"You looked a little… busy. So I decided I'd give you a moment," Leni replied cheerfully. "By the way, she's cute, George. Does she have a name?"

"Who? Ortho Chick?" Alex questioned.

"Ooh, Ortho Chick. So, what's her name? Is it serious?" Leni asked.

"Her name is Callie Torres," he answered shyly. Then he shot a look in Alex's direction before admitting hesitantly, "Yeah, it's kind of serious."

Leni could tell that he wanted to say more, but he held back because of what Alex might say. She sighed as she realized just how much work she was going to have to do in a very short time.

…

"Hey, have you gotten any sleep yet?" Addison questioned Derek as she crossed him in front of the surgery board. "You look exhausted."

"Huh?" he wondered, hardly paying attention to what she was saying. Leni's words had been on his mind all day, and he barely heard anything else.

"I asked if you had gotten any sleep," she repeated.

"I slept for a few hours in Leni's room. But I don't have any more surgeries scheduled today, so I'll just head back up there for a while," he answered distantly, never once looking away from the board.

Addison noticed his distraction but tried her best to ignore it. "You should go home and get some rest. I'm gonna be here a while longer, and there's no point in both of us being exhausted. I'll call you if there's any change in Elena's condition, but she's been holding steady all day."

"Okay. I'll just go see them for a second, then I'll head home," he decided and habitually kissed her cheek before walking away.

He was surprised to discover that no one was hovering over Elena at the moment; it seemed that ever since she was born, she'd had a crowd surrounding her. But nonetheless, he was glad to have a few moments of quiet alone with the little girl; it would give him time to sort out the thoughts that were racing through his mind. "Hey, Elle," he whispered, stroking her tiny cheek with his finger.

Despite all the wires and machines that surrounded her tiny body, he could see that she was strong. For a moment, he watched her small stomach move rhythmically up and down, reminding him what it felt like to be alive. No matter how confusing the things in his life seemed to be, at that moment as he watched Elena sleep, it made sense.

"Did you know that the human brain has about one hundred billion neurons and over one hundred trillion synapses? And despite that, I can't for the life of me get any one of them to come up with a reasonable thought. Why do you think that is, Elle?" he wondered aloud to her; strangely enough, the conversation was strangely reminiscent of something that he would have said to Leni, even at that age.

Suddenly, however, he heard footsteps behind him and turned to see Meredith, who smiled fleetingly back at him. "I told Leni I'd check on her. Is she still doing all right?"

He nodded. "She's fine. How's Leni?"

"She seems to be back to her usual self. I was with her right before I came here, and she said she was feeling fine. Just that she wanted to take a quick nap before coming back in here," Meredith reported as she leaned over toward Elena and rubbed her small hand with the back of her thumb.

"I just wanted you to know," he started to say, and she looked up at him. "I just wanted you to know that I'm really proud of you for stepping up and taking charge when Leni and Elle needed you." He paused for a moment and quickly added, "You know, you and the others. That's a big achievement for a group of interns. You did a good job. Thank you."

"It was mostly Alex," Meredith answered with a shrug. "But I'm just glad they're both okay." She looked at him for a moment. There were a hundred things she wanted to say, but all she could manage was, "You look tired," as she turned her gaze back to Elena.

"I am," he whispered.


	11. Chapter 11: These Walls

**_Chapter Eleven: These Walls_**

_I can't believe what is in front of me  
The water's rising up to my knees   
And I can't figure out  
How the hell I wound up here   
Everything seemed okay when I started out the other day  
Then the rain came pouring down  
And now I'm drowning in my fears   
And as I watch the setting sun  
I wonder if I'm the only one_

Teddy Geiger

…

Leni recognized Izzie's voice in the hallway outside of her door. She had sent both Alex and George to get lunch, so she was alone for the moment, and she knew that it would be a good time to talk to Izzie. However, Addison had forbidden her from getting out of bed unattended—and even _she_ knew that it wasn't a good idea to push Addison's buttons at the moment—so she tried to think of a way that she could get Izzie's attention.

She noticed the book on the table beside her bed, and suddenly an idea came to her. She knew better, but she knocked the book to the floor with a loud _thud_. Just as she had planned, Izzie came running into her room, accompanied by another doctor whom Leni hadn't met and two nurses whom she had befriended—Nurses Debbie and Olivia.

"Hey, what's going on? I heard something fall; are you okay?" Izzie wondered, automatically moving to check Leni.

She grinned sheepishly and answered, "I just dropped my book. Clumsy me." Then she smiled and introduced herself to the man standing beside Izzie. "I'm Leni Campbell; I don't believe we've met."

He walked over to her bed and shook her outstretched hand. "Preston Burke," he replied and smiled politely. The whole hospital was abuzz with talk of this particular patient—he found that even Cristina was more than willing to spend a few hours keeping her company—so he was glad to finally make her acquaintance.

"Oh, I've heard about you. You're a cardiothoracic surgeon—one of the best, so they say," she told him.

He then said laughingly, "I see you've been talking to the right people, then."

She nodded. "Cristina and Uncle Richard may have mentioned a thing or two."

"Really? What did Richard say? And Cristina?" he wondered, but she just shrugged and grinned. He smiled back and replied, "I guess I shouldn't worry too much if you're talking to me, then. It was nice to meet you, Leni."

"Nice to meet you, too, Dr. Burke," she returned. She knew that he and Cristina would be okay; one evening Cristina had voiced her uncertainties to Leni, but she was glad to see that she was right when she said everything would be fine. "Hey, Izzie, do you have a minute?"

"Yeah, of course. What can I do for you?" she volunteered happily, picking up Leni's book and returning it to its place. "Where are George and Alex, by the way?"

"I sent them downstairs to get some lunch. They started arguing about cars—at least I _think_ it was cars… I kind of zoned out. And I thought, 'Should I fake a seizure?' But I really didn't feel like getting stuck with unnecessary needles, and I've already freaked Alex and George out enough for the time being, so I just sent them to get food," she replied with a grin.

Izzie couldn't help but laugh. "Smart move. Honestly, I don't know how you've put up with those two together in such close quarters for so long. After a while, they start acting like…"

"Little boys?" Leni finished, and Izzie nodded in agreement.

"So, evidently you've noticed. I mean, it's not like they're unbearable or anything 'cause they aren't. George is a great roommate—he, Meredith, and I all live in Meredith's mother's house—and except for a few things, it's been great. And Alex…" she poured out to Leni but found herself pausing when it came to him.

"He's a good guy, Izzie. He obviously has his…less than perfect moments, I guess you could say. But overall, he has a good heart and he's trying. It just might take a while."

Izzie sighed. "But how long is 'a while'? I don't know if I have what it takes to wait around forever for a maybe," she confided.

But Leni smiled softly and assured her, "Don't give up on him, okay? Don't wait forever, but don't give up too soon. He's learning this whole relationship thing on his own, so it might take him a little longer. But he'll get the hang of it." She saw a contemplative look overcome Izzie's face as her words sunk in, and she sincerely hoped that things would work out for the best for both of them. "How about we go visit Elle?" she offered, and Izzie nodded with a smile.

…

Alex tossed a chocolate chip muffin onto Leni's lap when he and George met up with her in the NICU a few minutes later. He looked at Izzie and gave a sort of half smile, but he turned his full attention to Leni and Elena. As he walked up to the incubator and let Elena wrap her tiny hand around his finger, he told Leni, "You haven't been eating enough lately. I don't blame you because the food they serve to patients is crap, so I thought maybe you'd rather this."

"Okay, Karev… Either you're psychic or we've been spending way too much time together. How'd you know that chocolate chip muffins are my favorite?" she laughed.

"Not psychic, just observant. Every time you'd win one at poker, it was the only thing you'd never bet back, so I just figured," he told her.

"Thanks, Alex. That was really thoughtful of you," Leni answered, staring right at Izzie as though to confirm that her point had been proven true.

Izzie took the unspoken push and asked suddenly, "Hey, Alex… I was wondering if maybe you'd like to have dinner with me tonight?"

Both George and Alex looked at her, completely dumbfounded and at a loss for words. However, by the smile on Leni's face, they both realized that this had been her doing.

"Uh… seriously?" Alex finally managed.

"Yeah, your shift is done at seven, right? I'll just meet you downstairs. See you then," she smiled.

"You're welcome," Leni told him when Izzie had gone. He was staring at her questioningly, so she added, "Try not to screw it up this time, okay? There's only so much I can do. But I take care of my interns."

"Leni, you're freaking awesome," Alex grinned.

…

Derek drew in a deep breath when he spotted Meredith downstairs. He had been thinking all day about what Leni had told him, and he knew that she was right. There was so much to say, and he hoped that he could find the right words. And he also hoped that she would listen.

Meredith saw him only moments after he saw her, but she pretended not to notice. She knew that look—and nothing good could come from that look. Not anymore. She would never admit it, but she wasn't better; she was still broken.

He started to walk toward her, but seemingly out of nowhere, Finn arrived at her side. However, it was too late to turn around, so he forced his most convincing smile and joined them nonetheless. "Meredith. Finn," he nodded to each of them.

"Hey, Derek. How's it going?" Finn asked, their last encounter still all too fresh in his mind. Meredith had told him that things were better between them now, but he was still wary.

"Things are great," he said, possibly just a little too enthusiastically to be convincing, but no one said anything about it. "So, you two… headed out?"

"Yeah. We're going to Joe's and then to dinner," Meredith answered skeptically. "Derek… is there something you needed?"

But he just shook his head. "Nothing that can't wait. Have a nice time, Meredith. And good to see you again, Finn," he smiled. However, when their backs were turned as they were walking away, he put his hands to his head in frustration.

And from the stairs, Addison witnessed the entire scene. At that moment, there was no more denying it. There was no more pretending. It was so painfully obvious where his heart was, and she knew that it wasn't with her anymore.

It seemed like the walls that they had fought so hard to build back were collapsing all around them once again. While Addison headed back to the NICU for a few moments more before heading home, Derek found escape in an empty conference room. Little did they know that this was merely the calm before the storm.


	12. Chapter 12: Always on Your Side

**_Chapter Twelve: Always on Your Side_**

_But is there someplace far away, someplace where all is clear?  
Easy to start over with the ones you hold so dear?  
Or are you left to wander, all alone, eternally?  
This isn't how it's really meant to be  
No, it isn't how it's really meant to be  
__Well, they say that love is in the air, but never is it clear,  
How to pull it close and make it stay  
Butterflies are free to fly, and so they fly away  
And I'm left to carry on and wonder why  
Even through it all, I'm always on your side_

Sheryl Crow and Sting

…

Derek walked into Leni's room early one morning the following week and tried to put on a cheerful air. "Good morning, Sunshine. So today's the big day. Are you all ready, Leni? They'll be in to prep you in a few minutes and then we'll get started."

"I'm not having the surgery, Shep. I don't want it."

"Len, I know it's a scary surgery, but we need to do this. It's the only way you're going to get better."

"Better until when? Until Elle is old enough to know what's going on? I'm so tired of being sick; it seems like I'm always fighting to survive instead of living my life. I don't want that anymore. However long I have left, I don't want to spend plugged up to machines and staring at blank walls."

"Leni, be reasonable. Without this surgery, you have weeks. _Weeks,_ Leni. Don't you want to live?"

"Yes, Shep, that's _exactly_ what I want to do."

"Len… Come on. You've done this before, remember? You'll have the surgery, then you'll be fine," he tried to remind her.

"You showed me the CT. I'm not a doctor, but even I could see that there is _no_ possible way for you to excise the entire tumor without causing brain damage," she requited.

He hadn't even mentioned the extent of the tumor's growth to her when he'd shown her the scan, but he knew that he had been foolish to think that she wouldn't recognize it. After all, with the amount of time he'd spent studying up in her room—even just brushing up as a resident—it was inevitable that she would pick some of it up. "There's always chemo and radiation therapy," he offered.

"I'm not going through all that again, Shep. It didn't work the first time, and I've had enough. I'm just… not doing it."

"I'll be right back. I'm going to find Addison; maybe she can talk some sense into you," he said and hurried out the door and down the hall.

A few minutes later, he returned with Addison in tow. Leni could tell that he'd just been explaining things to her, and by the look on her face, she obviously shared Derek's sentiment about Leni's decision.

"What's this about you not wanting the surgery?" she questioned.

"That's all there is to it, Addie. I don't want it. I'm done. I was never planning on going through with it in the first place."

"So you're giving up, just like that? You won't even try anymore? Leni, you have a daughter to think about now."

Leni sighed. "I'm not giving up, Addie; I'm accepting the reality of the situation, and I'm letting go. And as for Elle… well, actually _you_ have a daughter now."

"What are you talking about?"

She leaned over and opened up the bottom drawer of the bedside table, pulling out a folder of papers and handed them to Addison. "I had these made up before I left New York; they're adoption papers. I want the two of you to raise Elle; I want the two of you to be her parents. I asked her biological father to sign over his parental rights, and he already has. This is what I've wanted all along, before I even knew that the tumor had come back. And now that I'm sick, it makes even more sense. I know you're both busy with your careers, and I know it might be crazy to try to raise a child right now… but you always managed to make time for me. You two are practically the ones who raised me, and I want Elle to have a chance at that. When I'm gone, you two are the only people in the whole world that she's going to have." She suddenly felt much lighter now that she wasn't hiding anything from them anymore.

In Leni's entire life, this was only the second time she'd seen Derek cry; the first had been right before he left New York for Seattle. Yet in those tears, she saw acceptance. Addison, however, was not so willing.

"Leni, I won't let you give up; you've still got so much life ahead of you, Sweetheart," she pleaded. "I'm going to get Richard. Maybe he can reason with you."

"Even Uncle Richard won't change my mind. I've made my choice."

When she saw that Leni was unrelenting in her decision, she said emotionally, "I won't just sit around and do nothing while I watch you die!"

"That's not what I'm asking you to do, Addie. I'm not asking you to stick around if it hurts too much; I just want you to understand why," Leni said gently.

Finally, Addison lost all composure and collapsed into a fit of tears. As she wrapped her arms around Leni, she whispered in between sobs, "What am I supposed to do without you?"

…

"Hey, Sweetheart," Addison whispered to the little girl lying peacefully in the incubator. She looked so small and fragile, yet so safe confined behind the plastic walls. A small part of Addison wished she could always keep her that safe, but she knew that pain was inevitable for everyone. "I know you must be wondering what's going on. I just want to promise you that no matter what happens, there will be someone to take care of you, Elena. I promise you, okay? Mommy's here."

It felt so surreal to look down at that little girl and comprehend the fact that she belonged to _her _now. Or would belong to her when Leni… But she didn't want to think about that. Instead, her thoughts drifted to a scene nearly like this one, over fourteen years ago.

_Addison sat in the nursery rocking the newborn to sleep. Her shift had been over for more than four hours, but she hadn't been able to manage leaving the little girl's side for the past few days. Addison couldn't bear the thought of leaving the tiny child all alone, motherless and without anyone else in the world to care for her._

"_They've gotten in touch with your dad, and he's on his way to the hospital soon, Sweetheart," she whispered, wishing that Elena would have given her a name. "Baby Girl Cortez" just didn't seem to be cutting it. She had been running different names through her head for hours and finally decided on Rose._

_A tap on the glass window caught her attention, and she looked up to see her attending, Dr. Richard Webber, looking back at her. "I'll be back in a minute, okay?" she whispered as she laid the infant down. Outside the nursery, she discovered Richard standing next to a man in a business suit who looked like he would rather be anywhere else at the moment._

"_Mr. Campbell, this is Dr. Montgomery. She was the intern assigned to Ms. Cortez's case, and she has been the one in charge of your daughter," Richard introduced them._

_A faint look of disappointment came over his face as he remarked, "Nobody told me it was a girl."_

"_She's a very beautiful, healthy child, Mr. Campbell," Addison assured him. "Would you like to see her?"_

_He shrugged and said unenthusiastically, "I guess I'll have to, won't I? Which one is she?"_

_Addison smiled as she pointed to the sleeping infant. "That's her. The one with the dark hair." She paused for a moment then wondered, "Have you decided on a name? Elena didn't give her one."_

"_I don't know. I was expecting a boy, so I didn't spend too much time dwelling on girls' names. I was going to call him Lennon." He paused for a moment, then said, "Oh, what the hell. I don't have the energy to come up with another name, so Lennon it is. Have any suggestions for a middle name?"_

_She was a bit taken aback by his nonchalant attitude, but she managed to reply, "I've been calling her Rose."_

"_Yeah, that'll work. Lennon Rose Campbell. Whatever. So, when will she be ready?"_

"_Tomorrow afternoon," she answered, shooting Richard an uneasy glance._

"_All right. Well, that doesn't give me much time to find a nanny and get all the crap that she's going to need, but I'll just have my assistant arrange… something." He looked at his watch and said suddenly, "I have to go. I have a meeting in thirty minutes. I'll be by tomorrow to pick her up and sign whatever needs to be signed." And with that, he was off._

"_Dr. Webber… Is the hospital honestly going to let that man take her?"_

"_He's her father, Dr. Montgomery. Legally, she belongs to him, and we have to release her to his custody. I know you're worried about her, but there is nothing that we can do," he tried to reason._

_But Addison was growing visibly upset as she continued, "But the way he looked at her… That's not the way a father looks at his child. Elena gave her life for that little girl, and that man barely gave five minutes."_

"_Addison," Richard said sternly, catching her attention. It was the first time he'd ever addressed her so informally. "You're getting too attached. You need to think like a doctor. You can't protect every patient from everything, even the children. It's hard, but it is a reality you need to accept if you want to make it as a surgeon."_

_But as she stared through the glass window at the little girl, sleeping so peacefully, she whispered, "If I don't protect her, then who will?"_

Elle's tiny fingers gripped Addison's tightly, as though to reassure her that everything would be all right. For just a moment, it was the two of them… with no worries and no pain. However, the moment was fleeting as the realization of what was happening finally registered in Addison's mind.

…

"Do Derek and Addison know you're out here?" Meredith questioned when she discovered Leni sitting outside of the hospital, in her robe, pajamas, and slippers. "And Alex and George are probably turning the halls upside down looking for you. Let's go back inside."

But Leni shook her head and stared up at the sky; the sunrise was brilliant, and there was a breathtaking explosion of pinks and oranges and blues as the sun chased the evening away into morning. "Beautiful, isn't it? Do you know how long it's been since I've been able to just sit outside and take a breath of fresh air and not be stuck in a tiny hospital room?" When Meredith shook her head, Leni replied, "Neither do I."

It was clear that, at least for now, there was no convincing Leni to go anywhere. So Meredith decided to join her instead. "I'll tell you what's on my mind if you tell me what's on yours," she offered.

"Okay," she agreed, then confided, "I'm not having the surgery. I just told Derek and Addison, and I know it's breaking their hearts, but… I just can't do it anymore."

"Leni…" Meredith whispered as she took hold of Leni's arm. She, too, hated the thought of anything happening to the young girl with whom she had become so close. She wondered if the other interns already knew, but she didn't ask. Instead, she confessed, "I decided to break it off with Finn."

"That's too bad; he seemed like a really nice guy."

She sighed. "He is. I just… can't make myself feel the way I should about such a wonderful, perfect guy. He deserves somebody that will love him, and… I just can't seem to give my heart to him fully. Does that make sense?"

Leni nodded and assured her, "It does. You can't make your heart feel a certain way even if your head tells you to. You can't help who you love or who you don't love. You know what I'm talking about, don't you?"

"Yeah, I do," Meredith replied tearfully as she and Leni continued to sit there in silence, contemplating the choices they had made and wondering whether they should be listening to their heads or their hearts.


	13. Chapter 13: Run

**_Chapter Thirteen: Run_**

_To think I might not see those eyes  
Makes it so hard not to cry  
And as we say our long good-bye  
I nearly do  
Light up, light up  
As if you have a choice  
Even if you cannot hear my voice  
I'll be right beside you, dear_

Snow Patrol

…

"Hey, it's just me," Izzie said when Leni opened her eyes as she went into her room that morning to round on her. In just three weeks she had gone from vibrant and full of life to fragile and quiet. Her seizures came almost daily now, despite the magnesium sulfate, and it was difficult to bear. It was almost painful to see her that way—knowing what she once had been—but they were all determined to stick by her and support her to the end.

They were all trying to make what little time Leni had left comfortable and happy. One night, the five interns had planned a movie marathon complete with junk food and staying up all night watching old Brat Pack films—obviously not Alex's first choice, but he suffered through it for Leni's sake. Izzie also knew that Addison and Derek had taken Leni on a ferryboat ride, at the young girl's request.

"Can I get you something?" she offered.

She shook her head but wondered in barely more than a whisper, "How is Elle?"

"They're discharging her today; she's over four pounds now, and Addison thinks she'd be better off out of the hospital since she's doing so well," she told her and was glad to see a smile cross her face.

"Do the others know yet?"

She nodded. "Meredith is the one who told me. She'll probably be by here later today to tell you herself." They all went to see Leni every day for as long as they possibly could—checking on labs that couldn't possibly have been ready yet, doing the menial tasks that they used to complain about during the first weeks of their internship, even declining surgeries—all for the chance to spend a few precious moments with Leni. Of course, the interns weren't the only ones; nurses and other doctors—even The Nazi herself—frequented the young girl's room. Izzie would never say aloud what they were all feeling; they wanted as much time with her as possible because the end was inevitably near.

"Okay," she agreed, seemingly a little weaker than only moments ago.

Izzie was sure that it was just her imagination—that Leni's voice wasn't weaker and her face wasn't paler—but the thought disturbed her all the same. "Are you sure I can't get you anything?"

"No, I don't need anything. But if you see the others, I'd really like to talk to all of you. If you aren't busy later."

Her request surprised Izzie, but she assured her, "I'll tell them. Are you sure you're okay?"

She smiled sadly and said what nobody else wanted to admit. "I'm dying, Izzie. There is no 'okay' for me." When she saw the look that overcame her face upon taking in those words, she added quickly, "Sorry. I didn't mean to be so morbid. It's just that everyone is acting like this isn't happening, like I'm going to be fine. Like I have a cold or something. I just don't want the reality to hit too hard for everyone who's in denial."

She rubbed Leni's arm comfortingly and lingered a moment longer before leaving.

…

"What's wrong?" George questioned as Izzie joined them at the table for lunch.

She didn't want to talk about the conversation that she'd just had with Leni. It wasn't something that she wanted to think about. "I'm fine."

"How's Leni?" Alex wondered and took a bite of his sandwich and handed Izzie the other half.

Avoiding the question, she answered, "She asked to see us later."

"All of us?" Cristina wondered, and Izzie nodded. "When?"

"When we have time was all she said. She wants to talk to us," she explained further but was met with looks of simultaneous curiosity and worry.

"I've got time right now; later I have to go finish up some paperwork for Elle's discharge this afternoon," Meredith spoke up. "Is everybody good with now?"

They all agreed, and the five of them made their way to Leni's room, where she greeted them with a smile. "That didn't take long. What? Do they just not make you guys work anymore or something?" she teased.

"Yeah, right," Alex grinned, happy to see her in high spirits. "So, what's on your mind, Len? It must be that you've missed staring at this gorgeous face, right?"

They all turned to give him looks of disbelief and Cristina even scoffed. However, Leni was amused and agreed playfully, "You've got me all figured out, I guess."

"Seriously, Alex," Meredith laughed as she sat down on the edge of Leni's bed. "Elle gets to go home today. I know you haven't been able to go see her in a while, but she's doing so great. We've been taking good care of her for you."

"I knew you would," she smiled. "Which leads me to my point. I just wanted to say thank you. I know it's your job to look after sick patients, and I know that Uncle Richard probably did everything possible to keep me happy. But you guys really went out of your way for Elle and me, and I just want you to know that it means a lot to me. So thank you for everything."

"I'll let you in on a little secret—we had fun, too," Izzie grinned.

Leni looked at each of them. Ever since she could recall, through all her hospital stays, she always had a particular fondness for the interns. She wasn't sure why—perhaps it was because they just seemed most like the ones who needed someone to be rooting for them or maybe it was because she liked the bond that always seemed to form between them. "Will you promise me something?" she asked them, and they agreed. "Promise me that you'll take care of one another. Look around at one another; you're family now. These are the people you've laughed with, cried with, have been scared out of your minds with, and have shared success with. Promise me that no matter what, you'll remember that."

They looked at one another, realizing just how true Leni's words were. Months ago, they had been strangers; now, just as Leni had said, they were family. They were all the things that she said. And they agreed, suddenly aware of just how fleeting and precious every moment with someone you cared about could be.

…

"Hey," Addison said as she walked into Leni's room later that afternoon and discovered her staring blankly past the muted TV. "What're you thinking about?"

"Do you remember the summer house where you and Shep used to take me? With the beach and the horses?"

She nodded and replied, "Our summer house in the Hamptons. You loved it there." Memories of laughter and sandcastles and nights spent trying to count the stars came to mind. She remembered holding tightly to the little girl's hand, Derek holding the other, as they walked through the waves, Leni's giggling and cheerful chatter as the soundtrack to their days. She remembered things making sense. She remembered being happy.

"Take Elle there when she's older," she requested. "And make sure she has Amélie."

"I'm sure she'll love it there, too. You still have Amélie?" Addison wondered with a smile.

"She's in my bag," Leni replied, and Addison discovered that the doll, despite being Leni's constant companion for over a decade, was still in amazing condition. "She's been a good friend all these years."

Addison recalled her then new husband's almost manic search for a doll with eyes the exact shade of green that Leni's were. She had assured him that the three-year-old would love any gift he chose, but he replied that he wanted it to be perfect. She had jokingly wondered if he'd spent that much time trying to find her engagement ring, but he answered that Leni had been with him for that and had actually made the decision for him, so it was much less complicated.

Just then, Derek surprised them both as he walked into Leni's room with Elena, small and delicate in her carrier. She was dressed in a pale pink dress with a matching bonnet, sleeping peacefully and looking very much like a doll herself. In a little over a month, she had defied the odds and was ready to leave the hospital. "Hey, Len. Look who I brought to see you. She's going home today."

"She looks so beautiful, and she got so big," Leni whispered as she managed to weakly stroke Elena's tiny arm with her finger. "I love you, Elle. Addie and Shep do, too, and they're going to take such good care of you. Be a good girl for them, okay? And always remember that I love you."

Suddenly, Leni's face grew even paler and her breathing became harsh and forced; the smiles that had been on Addison and Derek's faces only seconds before now faded to worry as they realized what was soon to come.

A nurse was passing by in the hallway, and Derek instructed, "Page Dr. Grey; tell her to get here stat."

A moment later, Meredith arrived at Leni's room, looking a bit confused. "The nurse said you—" she started to say, but Derek interrupted.

"I need you to take Elena and… just keep her until one of us comes to get her," he said, handing the carrier to her. He lowered his voice and continued, "I don't want her in the room when…" But just looking at Leni said it all.

"Okay," she whispered and, after one more glimpse in Leni's direction, took the infant into her care.

Then it was just the three of them. Had the situation not been so dismal, they would have relished this time. For years, it had been the three of them; they had been a family. And now the little girl whom they had watched grow up over the years was slowly fading away before their very eyes.

Derek recalled another instance, so similar to this one. He and Addison had stood vigil at the five-year-old's bedside as she battled a case of pneumonia. They scarcely moved from her side for three days, silently willing her to fight with everything she had. Then she had opened her eyes and smiled at them, and all was well. But he knew that this time, it wasn't his place to ask her to fight. As much as it hurt him, he had to let go.

Addison was already holding Leni's hand when the little girl called out softly, "Shep?"

"I'm right here, Len," he assured her and grasped onto her other hand. "Addie and I are both right here."

"I'm sorry," she told them, on the brink of tears.

"Sweetheart," Addison smiled, "you have _nothing_ to be sorry about, okay? We're both right here." She didn't know what else she could possibly say right now; she would have given anything to take Leni's place… To let the little girl have another chance. But all her years of experience had taught her that simply wishing doesn't make things go the way you want them to.

"Please don't forget to let Elle know how much I love her," she asked and nearly brought tears to their eyes. "And tell her…"

At Leni's pause, Derek softly urged, "Tell her what, Len?"

She took a deep though shaky breath and finished, "Tell her that sometimes, you're supposed to fight, and sometimes, you're supposed to let go. Being strong means knowing the difference."

"I'll tell her," he promised.

"Will you read to me, Shep?" she requested, and he took her favorite book from the bedside table and opened to a random page; they both knew the story so well that they could start off from anywhere and still understand.

"'You can't get away from yourself by moving from one place to another,'" he began. However, he hadn't gotten farther than that single sentence when Addison spoke his name in alarm.

Leni's vitals were dropping and her heartbeat was weak. Her grip on Addison's hand was loosening, and a sickening feeling was settling in both their stomachs. There was no more denying the inevitable.

She looked up at them with her big green eyes, but there was no fear. Oddly, there was a look of serenity. With her free hand, she removed the oxygen mask from her face and smiled, "I love you." Then she closed her eyes and a moment later, the eerie screech of the heart monitor's flatline filled the room.

Derek looked at Addison and watched as she let go of Leni's hand and moved a stray strand of hair out of Leni's face. She then looked up at him as he forced back the lump in his throat and whispered, "Time of death, twenty fifty-two."

Addison suddenly felt numb; everything seemed so surreal, like she was in a terrible nightmare and would wake at any moment. However, deep down, she knew better. Strangely, she embraced the numbness because she knew that soon, it would be replaced with heartbreaking pain. "I should… I should probably go call Bill; I'll see what arrangements he wants made. There's the funeral and whether he wants her in Seattle or in New York… And Richard needs to be told, and I need to see about Elena. So I should… go do that."

"Addison…" he began but was suddenly at a loss for words. At that moment, despite all the things that had gone on between them, she was the only other person in the entire world who could even begin to fathom how he was feeling; he just wanted to reach out to someone who could understand.

"I'm gonna… go. I should… I need to go take care of things," she stammered in a daze and took the doll with her before she made her way out the door.

All he could think as he looked at her was how beautiful and peaceful she looked… Like an angel. "Len… I hope I'm strong enough to let go," he whispered as he leaned over to kiss her forehead and then burst into tears with his head on her shoulder.

…

At that very moment, Elena was inconsolable; she had been crying for the past twenty minutes. Despite all the interns' best efforts—including bribes, pleading, and nearly crying themselves—no one could stop her tears. They were sitting in their abandoned hallway, trying to find a haven amidst the confusion.

"Come on, Bambi. Can't you do something?" Cristina questioned in exasperation. They had given her to George in the hope that he would have some luck—Cristina had been quick to volunteer him—but nothing was working.

"I—I'm trying. I don't know what's the matter," he replied.

"Do you think she's hungry?" Izzie wondered to Meredith. "Or maybe her little tummy hurts."

But she shook her head and replied, "I just fed her half an hour ago." Then she added, "And I burped her and checked her diaper. I don't know what's wrong. She was fine until just a few minutes ago; you all saw her."

"Give her to me," Alex said suddenly, surprising them all. "Hey, Green Eyes. What's all the fuss about, huh?" he said soothingly as he took the little girl into his arms. She was a little bit calmer for a moment, but her tears had yet to subside.

A moment later, Addison paged Meredith, so the entire group got up and headed toward the lobby. Alex quickly told her, "She won't stop crying. We've tried everything."

"It's okay. She's probably just tired; she's had a busy day. I'm going to take her home to rest," Addison said in a tone that they'd never heard before, and they noticed that she was unconsciously clinging to a doll with dark curls and a red satin dress. And then they realized. She saw the look on their faces and told them, "I know you were all very close to her, and I'll be sure to let you know what arrangements have been made."

"Addison," Meredith began, a bit unsure exactly what to say. If she was hurting this much, she could hardly imagine what Addison was going through. "Do you want me to call you a taxi? I don't think it's a good idea for you to drive."

"I'll be fine. I'll go home with Elena, and Derek will stay here with Leni until they take her to…" But she couldn't bring herself to think about them bringing her beautiful, sweet little girl to that cold, hollow morgue. "Leni's father is flying in from New York on the first available flight out. But thank you for taking such good care of her."

However, they weren't sure whether Addison had been referring to Leni or Elena; they had the feeling that she didn't really know either. They watched her slowly walk away and then turned to each other in silent questioning. But no one had any answers; the only comfort they found was in one another's presence.


	14. Chapter 14: Arms Wide Open

Okay, I know, I know. I killed Leni. Sorry about that; I can honestly say that killing off my fictional character was really, really hard to do. I'll miss her, too, because she was such a fun character to write. But everything happens for a reason. Or at least it does in the wonderful world of fanfiction.

**_Chapter Fourteen: Arms Wide Open_**

_Well, I just heard the news today  
It seems my life is going to change  
I closed my eyes, begin to pray  
Then tears of joy stream down my face  
With arms wide open under the sunlight  
Welcome to this place; I'll show you everything  
With arms wide open  
With arms wide open  
Well, I don't know if I'm ready to be the man I have to be  
I'll take a breath, I'll take her by my side  
We stand in awe, we've created life  
With arms wide open under the sunlight  
Welcome to this place; I'll show you everything  
With arms wide open, now everything has changed  
I'll show you love, I'll show you everything  
With arms wide open_

Creed

…

As Addison and Derek lay on the hood of his car that evening under the starry sky, Elena sleeping peacefully across Addison's stomach, it was the first time in a month that neither of them felt like breaking down into tears. Granted, there was still a hollow, empty space that weighed upon them heavily, this was the first day that they felt they could breathe.

_The funeral had been in Seattle three weeks before that evening; it was a small, personal ceremony, but they all knew that it was the way that Leni would have wanted it. And much to Addison's surprise, she had witnessed genuine emotion from Bill toward his daughter; she hadn't meant to eavesdrop, but it truly touched her heart when she heard him whisper how sorry he was for not being the kind of father she had deserved._

And as promised, that day they had taken Elena on her first ferryboat ride. She had made happy baby noises as they rode over the water, and Derek had smiled with the realization that his daughter already seemed to share his passion. They had also taken her for a walk in the park that afternoon, and it had honestly been a wonderful day.

"It's nice tonight," Derek said, mostly just to fill the silence. Strangely enough, it wasn't the awkward kind of silence that had passed between them for so long; they could have continued on without talking, but suddenly, he found things that he wanted to say.

"It is," she agreed. "The entire day has been wonderful. Elle really loved it, didn't she?"

"Yeah, she did." He looked over at his daughter and saw that she was fast asleep. "Guess we tired her out, didn't we?" he laughed. "Well, she'll get used to this Seattle life, I guess."

"Actually, Derek… there's something I've been meaning to discuss with you. I've been putting it off, but I need to tell you," she said hesitantly, causing him to sit upright. Suddenly she realized that this was the first time in a long time that he was actually listening. Unfortunately, she knew that he wouldn't like what she had to say.

"What's wrong? Is something the matter with Elle?"

"No, Elle is fine. Derek… I'm not sure how to say this, so I'm just going to come right out with it. Elle and I are leaving for New York in a week."

He stared at her for a moment, as though trying to find a plausible reason for what she had just said. "New York? Are you flying in for a consult? And I can handle Elle while you're away; I'll just take some time off."

She was afraid that he would take it the wrong way. "No, Derek. Not for a consult." She took a deep breath and told him, "We're leaving for New York… permanently. I can't do this anymore, and it isn't fair for either of us to continue on like this. We're lying to ourselves, Derek, and I'm just… tired. I don't want to pretend anymore. It isn't good for us or Elena. I just want to be happy, and I want you to be happy, too."

He was speechless for a moment as he tried to process the news. However, he soon found something to say. "But New York? Addison, you can't take Elena to New York; I'll never see her… and I can't live like that. She's my daughter, too."

"We'll work something out; keeping Elena from you isn't what I'm trying to do. It won't be easy, but we can find a way to make this work," she assured him. However, seeing that he was still unconvinced, she further replied, "Your life is in Seattle now, but we both know that I don't belong here. The life I want is in Manhattan."

"But, Addison…" he managed then looked once again at his sleeping daughter. All he wanted was what was best for Elena; her well-being was now his top priority. He knew that every decision they made would affect her dramatically—especially something as monumental as this one—and he only wanted to do the right thing. He wanted her to grow up happy and with every opportunity that life could offer, but he also wanted her with him. "A week? How are you going to get everything sorted out in a week? And you signed a contract with the hospital; Richard won't just let you go."

"Actually… This is something I decided the night that we lost Leni. Her death put things into perspective for me, and I realized that she was right. About letting go, I mean. So I spoke with Richard and he's letting me out of the contract," she revealed.

"So, you've known this for a month. Why didn't you tell me sooner? Don't you think I deserve to be let in on the details of my daughter's life?" he questioned, but he was surprisingly calm. "You've had an entire month to get used to this idea, and now I have a week?"

She sat up and looked him in the eye; she saw the pain and the heartbreak, and her tears began to well up as she fought to hold them back. "I'm sorry, Derek. I'm sorry for Mark and I'm sorry for taking Elena back to New York… And I'm sorry for not trying harder."

Elena started to whimper as she woke from her nap, and Derek took the little girl into his arms. She was still so innocent and unbroken by the strains of the world, despite all that she had been through already in her short life. Although he wished that he could keep things that way for her forever, he knew that she would have to deal with a lot more than a typical child. But he also knew that she was strong.

"I'm sorry, too, Addie. You tried, but I wouldn't listen, and after a while, anyone would have given up trying. I didn't make it easy for you. We just got too caught up in our own lives to remember that we had one with each other." He smiled at her and she returned the sentiment; for the first time in a long time, it wasn't forced between either of them.

"So… where does this leave us? We used to be best friends, once upon a time. Do you think we can ever get that back?"

He shrugged. "I'm willing to give it a try if you are." Elena yawned and he added laughingly, "I think Elle agrees, too, don't you, Princess?" She made a happy cooing sound, and they both laughed. "Well, I guess it's settled then. Friends?"

She smiled and agreed, "Friends."

They then resumed their star-gazing positions, although Elena was now in Derek's possession. He found it a bit ironic that the thing he'd wanted most in the world a few months ago—for Addison to go back to New York and let him begin again—was now the thing that he had come to dread. They were hardly the same people they were when they'd married, but he hoped that they had at long last come full circle.

…

"Elle's operation is in two weeks—on a Thursday. And you'll be flying in…?" Addison tried to sort out a few minutes before their plane was scheduled to start boarding.

"Tuesday," Derek finished her sentence. "I'll call you before I leave Seattle. My flight leaves at eight, so I'll be there around four-thirty. But we'll finalize all the details later." Of course, there were other things that needed to be taken care of aside from Elena's surgery—namely the divorce. However, instead of feeling the bitter resentment that they once had, they now looked at it as much-needed closure. "Do you have everything you need?"

She did a last-minute check then shrugged with a grin, "I hope so."

"_Flight fifteen twenty-four, departing for JFK International Airport, is now boarding first class,_" a woman on the intercom announced.

"That's us," Addison announced, and Derek handed Elena to her. "Tell Daddy good-bye and we'll see him in two weeks," she said to Elena.

Just hearing those words nearly caused him to keep them from going. It was something he had been battling with all week, and although it was just across the country, it may just as well have been across the world. He had tried to make every moment of that week precious—even waking up at two in the morning to give Elena her bottle—as he forced himself to come to terms with the changes had already begun to happen in all of their lives.

_Sometimes, you're supposed to fight, and sometimes, you're supposed to let go. Being strong means knowing the difference_. Leni's words echoed through his thoughts and he couldn't help but wonder if this was one of those situations. He kissed Elena's forehead and whispered, "I love you, Elle." He smiled at Addison and purely out of habit, kissed her on the cheek. "Have a good flight and call me when you get to New York."

"I will," she promised, then she and Elena started for the airplane. However, a moment later she turned around, and to Derek's surprise, headed back in his direction. "I just wanted to say… that I hope you two are happy together." When he looked at her questioningly, she added, "We both know she's where your heart is. I want you to be happy, Derek, and… she makes you happy." With that, she smiled once and headed for the plane without turning around again.

Derek waited at the airport until their plane departed. As he watched them take off into the sky, he found himself wondering exactly how many minutes it would be until he could follow them. He was already missing Elena and wondered just how he would make it through the next two weeks.

Instead of going back to the empty trailer—he couldn't help but think of it as empty now—he decided to go for a walk to clear his head. After all, he had quite a bit to think about.

…

It was late, but Meredith couldn't seem to fall asleep. Neither George nor Izzie was home, so it was up to Meredith to find something to occupy her time; she had opted to curl up on the couch and relax with a good book.

The rain pattered heavily on the windows, and suddenly the house seemed very warm and cozy; she thought that maybe she remembered a night like this from her childhood, but she had been so young the last time she'd lived there that she couldn't be completely sure. She was glad to have the night off and was also thankful that she didn't have to be out in what had quickly gone from a light shower to torrential downpour.

However, a knock at her door soon caught her attention. "Who in the world could that be?" she wondered aloud to herself as she got up to answer. She could hardly believe her eyes when she opened the door; a small part of her wondered if she was dreaming. But she smiled when she realized that she wasn't.

He was standing before her, his clothes and hair dripping with rainwater. He just smiled at her and he had that look in his eyes—their look. The look she had been trying so desperately to ignore and forget. But now… everything was coming back to her.

"What are you doing here? And… what have you been doing?" she questioned, but before he could reply, she added, "Come inside, and I'll get you a towel; you're… dripping everywhere."

"Meredith, I've been thinking," he began as soon as she returned with the towel.

"Have you?"

"Yeah," he smiled.

"And those thoughts… What do they have to do with me?" she asked and unconsciously held her breath as she waited for his reply. She knew what she wanted to hear, but at the same time, the thought terrified her. She knew that Addison and Elena had left for New York that morning, but she wasn't sure whether Derek had come to say another good-bye.

He had been running through what he wanted to say all afternoon; yet, he was now at a loss for words. There was so much to say. However, he had the feeling that just maybe, actions could speak louder than words. He then reached into his pocket and pulled out a small black box.

"Derek, I—" she started to say, but he stopped her.

"Don't say anything yet, okay? I've been trying to get this right in my head for hours, and if I don't say it now… I need to say this now."

"Okay," she agreed, a little bit puzzled by the way he was acting. She had never seen him this way before.

Derek took a deep breath, looked into her eyes, and smiled as he bent down on one knee. "Meredith… I love you. And I am captivated by you. Even your tiniest, most seemingly insignificant details never cease to amaze me. I love the way your nose crinkles up when you laugh. I love the fire in your eyes when we argue. I love the way you leave me breathless with just a look. I love the way the scent of lavender lingers in a room even after you've left. And I want all of those things forever. I can't promise that things will be perfect or that every day will be easy. We'll fight and argue and probably get mad as hell at one another every once in a while. But we'll also laugh and make wonderful memories and be happier together than we could ever be apart. Marry me, Meredith; time is so precious, and I don't want to waste another minute waiting for our forever to start."

She was quiet for a moment as she looked at the ring in his hand and thought about what he had just said. And it was in that moment that she realized that just maybe, everything happened for a reason. Everything they had gone through was just to get them to the very second where they were now. Suddenly, she smiled and whispered, "I can't think of any other way I'd want to spend my forever."

…

_One chapter to go. What will things be like for our favorite Seattle Grace doctors six years from now?_


	15. Chapter 15: Love Song

I'm sure all the Addeks out there want to hunt me down in angry mob form right about now. Let me just say that honestly, I'm not really diehard MerDer or Addek, but this particular story needed to be MerDer to work. So, thank you guys for bearing with me even though it may not have been your favorite coupling!

**_Chapter Fifteen: Love Song_**

_You say it's very hard  
To leave behind the life we knew  
But there's no other way  
And now it's really up to you  
Love is the key we must turn  
Truth is the flame we must burn  
Freedom the lesson we must learn_

Elton John

…

"Mommy, are we almost there?" the six-year-old asked excitedly, staring out the window with her nose pressed to the glass, as they sat in the back seat of the taxi. She was clutching the old porcelain doll tightly, her tiny fingers intertwined in the ribbons of Amélie's satin dress; she never went anywhere without the doll.

"We'll be there soon, Elle," Addison laughed. The little girl's bright green eyes and vivid spirit always drew a smile to Addison's face. _She's so much like Leni, _she thought, and it was bittersweet. Even after all this time, she still missed Leni, but Elena made it easier. In fact, Addison found that Elena was the bandage that had healed her broken heart.

"When I talked to Daddy on the phone, he said that Aida was six pounds and four ounces and had blue eyes," Elena said as-a-matter-of-factly. "That's good, right, Mommy?"

Addison nodded. "That's very good. It sounds to me like Aida is a very healthy baby," she confirmed, and Elena smiled.

"One pound is sixteen ounces, isn't it?"

"That is exactly right, Sweetheart. You're so smart," she praised her.

"Smart like you. That's why I'm gonna be a surgeon one day, too," the little girl stated. "Then I can help make sick babies all better just like you did for me."

Addison planted a kiss atop Elena's dark curls and whispered, "Sweetheart, I don't doubt that one bit."

Elena squealed with excitement as they pulled up to Meredith and Derek's house. "We're here!" As soon as the taxi pulled to a stop, Elena opened the door and rushed up the stairs, while Addison paid the driver and then hurried after her daughter.

A moment after Elena rang the doorbell, Derek opened the door with a smile. There was a moment of silence as his and Addison's glances met, but Elena jumped into his arms and said, "Hi, Daddy! I missed you. Amélie did, too."

"I missed you, too, Elle. So much. All of you," he said as he held her.

"Is Meredith inside with Hayden and Aida?"

"Yeah, she is. Why don't you go tell her you're here?" Derek replied, and Elena hurried inside, leaving Derek and Addison alone in their silence once more, as Addison fumbled with the package in her hand. "How are you, Addie?"

She smiled. "I'm all right; Elle and I have been doing well." Then with a grin, she added, "And apparently, you've been well, _Dad_. It seems just yesterday that Hayden was born, and he's four already. Now you're on number two. Having a house full of little ones suits you, Derek."

And it was true. He was happy, and truth be told, she was happy for him. She knew that most people probably found it strange that her life should still be so intertwined with that of her ex-husband, that they still shared holidays and birthdays and things that a family would share. But through Elena, they were still family; granted, things were very different, but they had finally reached the place where they both wanted to be.

"And look at you. You look great, Addie, and Elle is so amazing; she reminds me more and more of Leni every time I see her." He recognized the look she was giving him—the same look that she gave him whenever she knew that he was going to ask something she was so set against. "So, I'm guessing there's still no thought of moving back to Seattle? You know Preston would love to have you back on our staff; he's always looking to keep Seattle Grace the top hospital in the country."

"I can't, Derek. I don't want to uproot Elena; she's so well-adjusted and just blossoming academically and socially. It wouldn't be fair."

"What is there for you two in New York that you couldn't have here, Addison? There are great schools here, there's the hospital… There's family. I hate watching Elle grow up in pictures, Addie; a few times a year isn't enough. I want to be able to go to her ballet recitals and watch her school plays and read her bedtime stories… and be a real part of her life. Why won't you consider it?" He looked at her for a moment, then a grin spread across his face. "Oh, so _that's_ it."

"What's 'it'? What are you talking about?"

"Well, obviously there's some guy back in New York that you just can't bear to leave. I can't believe you weren't going to tell me. So, what's he like?" he teased.

"Seriously, Derek," Addison laughed and blushed just a little bit, partly because it was such an inappropriate conversation to be having with her ex-husband and partly because she was glad that they _could_ have such a conversation.

Derek laughed, too; despite everything, it was nice to laugh with her again. Finally, he suggested, "C'mon, let's go inside."

Elena was seated closely between Hayden and Meredith on the couch, while the latter gently instructed the child on the proper techniques of infant-handling. "Make sure you support her head, and keep her close to you. That's it, Elle; just like that. You're doing great."

"Look, Mommy. Meredith is letting me hold Aida," Elena said softly, smiling from ear to ear as she stared at the tiny baby in her arms.

"So I see," her mother answered as she leaned in for a closer look.

"You know, Mommy, I think we should get a baby."

The room was silent for a minute as everyone waited for Addison's response. Finally, she laughed and remarked, "Elena Amélie, how in the world would I find time for a baby and you and work?"

Elena shrugged. "I could help. I'm good at it. And Meredith and Daddy could baby-sit sometimes and we could baby-sit Aida. And you, too, Hayden," she added, noting his pouting face upon his exclusion.

"Sweetheart, we live in Manhattan. Remember the airplane ride that we just took? Seattle is a bit far away, don't you think?"

But Elena just shook her head. "Not if we get a house in Seattle, Mommy. Then we wouldn't even need to fly in an airplane. We could drive. Oh, or even walk if we live close enough!"

Derek shot her an "I told you so" look, but Addison just laughed it off for the time being. "We'll talk about that later, okay, Elle? It's a big decision." She then turned her attention back to Aida and remarked, "She's really beautiful, Meredith."

"Thank you, Addison. It's so good to see you and Elle. Thank you so much for coming to Aida's Welcome Home party; it means a lot to us," Meredith said. Sometimes it still surprised her that she and Addison could be friends—_real_ friends—not just putting on airs. But, surprise of surprises, they had more in common than they had wanted to admit at first.

"We're glad to come, aren't we, Elle?"

She nodded fervently. "Very glad to come. And we brought Hayden and Aida presents."

The little boy's blue eyes grew wide with excitement as he piped up, "Ooh, _presents_, Mommy! Can I open mine? Please, Mommy!"

"Addison, you really didn't have to go through all that trouble when you just sent Hayden a birthday present less than a month ago," Meredith replied.

But she shook her head. "It was no trouble. And you and Derek always bring something for Elena every time you visit."

"Can I open it, Mommy? Pretty please?" Hayden continued to plead.

"If Addison says it's all right, then I guess you can," she answered, and the little boy turned his attention to Addison and looked at her hopefully.

"Of course," she laughed and handed him the gift. As he opened it excitedly, she said, "Elle saw it and said that she just _had_ to get it for Hayden."

"Mommy, _look_! It's a Super Robo-Copter, just like on TV! Thank you, Addie and Elle!"

Derek smiled and remarked, "Looks like you'll have a lot of fun with that, Hayden."

Meredith leaned in to see just what it was that was making Hayden so excited, but it was beyond her. However, he'd been talking about the toy ever since he'd seen the commercial, and if he was happy, so was she. "Thank you, Addison."

"Elle's the one who picked it out. I don't think it makes any obnoxious noises, and you've got to put something together, so I'm thinking it's at least a little bit educational," she shrugged. "I don't get it, either."

Elena chimed in, "All the boys at my school have one and they like them, so I knew Hayden would, too."

"I do!" he agreed and gave Elena a kiss on the cheek, and their parents laughed. There was a knock at the door, and before anyone could move, Hayden jumped up and announced, "I'll get it!"

A moment later, Izzie and Alex walked into the living room, each holding one of their two-year-old twin daughters.

"Hey, everyone," Izzie smiled brightly. "The girls are a little tired from the trip; all we heard on the entire drive over here was Sophie and Lydia chattering about seeing the new baby, and when we pull up, they fall asleep."

"Hey, Alex!" Elena said in a loud whisper. "Hey, Izzie!"

"Hey, Green Eyes," Alex smiled at her, and she giggled happily just like she always did when he called her by the nickname.

Meredith took Lydia from Alex and offered to Izzie, "We can go put them in Hayden's room until they're done napping. Derek, why don't you and Alex go outside and start the grill?"

He nodded, and the two men headed to the back yard, with Hayden in tow. The little boy turned and said, "C'mon, Elle! Let's go outside with Daddy!"

"Okay." Elena then turned to her mother and asked, "Could you hold Aida so I can go outside with Hayden, Mommy?"

"All right," Addison agreed and took the sleeping infant into her arms.

Aida was a beautiful child. She was a perfect mix of Meredith and Derek, just as Hayden was. In fact, both children had vividly blue eyes, soft golden-brown hair, and an ever-soulful expression.

The little girl started to stir, and after a moment, she looked up thoughtfully at Addison with her sapphire eyes.

"Well, good afternoon, Sweetheart. Have a good nap?" Addison whispered cheerfully to the little girl, who yawned and stretched in reply. "Well, I guess that's a 'yes,' then, isn't it?"

As happy as she was that Elena was getting older now, a little part of her couldn't help but miss having a baby around. It had been hard raising Elena practically on her own—Derek did what he could but the distance of over two thousand miles didn't make it easy or convenient—but secretly, she missed those quiet three a.m. feedings and hearing her first words and seeing her first steps and rocking her to sleep at night. Elena had brought so much joy and fulfillment into her life; and, as she looked at Aida, she knew that this little girl and her brother would do the same for Derek.

For a moment, Meredith watched the two of them from the stairs and smiled; Addison had always been so wonderful to her children. For a long time, she had envied Addison; in some ways, a little part of her still did. But now, she simultaneously felt sympathy and admiration for her. Sympathy because Addison had been the one to end up alone when all was said and done, and admiration because she had managed to pick up the pieces all by herself.

Addison suddenly felt the presence of another person in the room and smiled when she saw Meredith standing on the stairs. "She's just waking up." She started to bring the little girl to her mother, but a knock at the door caught both their attention.

"It's probably Cristina and Burke and the boys. And wasn't George coming with them? Would you mind hanging onto her for a little longer while I get that?"

Addison shook her head. "Of course not; I'd be happy to."

A moment later, Meredith led her friends into the living room. In Burke's arms was their youngest son, Aaron, who was two, and not far behind was five-year-old Oliver. Their third child—a little girl—was due in less than a month.

"The guys are in the back starting up the grill. Hayden and Elle are out there, too," Meredith offered, and George nodded while Burke smiled and led his sons outside to join the other men and leave the women to their chatting.

"So, have you two decided on her name yet?" Izzie wondered as she made her way downstairs, both her daughters wide awake and grasping her hands tightly.

"We finally agreed on Lillian," Cristina smiled. "Burke's already calling her Lily. She's gonna have him _so_ wrapped."

"You've seriously decided on a name _before_ it's time to leave the hospital? I'm impressed," Meredith teased.

"Ha-ha… You're so witty, Mer," Cristina remarked, but she was smiling. She then turned her attention to Izzie's girls. "You two are getting so big. Come here and give Aunt Cris a hug."

Sophie and Lydia ran over to her, and everyone else smiled at the change that had come over Cristina since she had become a mother. She was still a fierce competitor in the operating room, but she had wonderfully taken over the role of mother as well.

"A baby?" Lydia asked, motioning toward Cristina's stomach.

But Sophie countered, "No, that baby," as she pointed to Aida. "Mommy?" she asked, and both little girls turned their attention to their mother.

"If they're asking questions like this at two, then I can't _wait_ until they're older." She bent until she was eye-level with her girls and explained, "Inside Aunt Cris' tummy is a baby that hasn't been born yet; she's still growing inside there until she's ready to come out. Aida is a baby that already finished growing inside Aunt Mer's tummy, so now she's going to finish growing outside, like you two."

"How did they get in there?" Lydia asked; Sophie then wanted to know how the babies got out, and everyone laughed.

"No idea," Izzie shrugged and scooped up both the little girls. "C'mon, let's go outside and watch the guys pretend to be macho and manly while they try to cook."

…

An hour later, the Shepherds' backyard was filled with family and friends; Derek's parents and sisters—and their families—and also Meredith's sisters and father and stepmother were there. The children laughed and played happily while their parents caught up with the friends that had become family over the years.

"Mommy, may I please have a hotdog?" William asked his mother politely. "And would you like one?"

Bailey smiled and replied, "No, but thank you for asking. And yes, you may have one."

"Miranda, he's grown up to be such a little gentleman," Addison smiled.

She smiled back and replied, "And Elle is just the sweetest little thing. She told me that you two were thinking of moving back to Seattle. Are you really?"

Addison met Elena's glance from across the yard, and the little girl grinned knowingly. "I'm not sure yet. It's a big decision, and it's something that Elle and I really need to think about," she found herself repeating for the second time that day. The truth was that the thought of moving back terrified her; she was comfortable in New York. But she couldn't deny that Elena was always just a little happier when they were in Seattle. "Will you all excuse me for a moment?" she requested and headed in Elena's direction.

"Hi, Mommy. Did you get a hotdog or a hamburger? Daddy and everybody else did a good job. And Alex fixed mine and put two drops of relish for eyes and a mustard nose and a ketchup smile and said now it looked just like me. Isn't that silly?" She paused for a moment upon seeing her mother's expression—one she knew all too well—and questioned, "What did I do? Am I in trouble?"

"Elle, do you really want to move to Seattle? And before you answer, I want you to think carefully; it'll mean a lot of changes for us. It'll mean going to a different school, moving away from all your friends, moving out of our house. Are you sure it's what you really want?"

Elena looked into Addison's eyes and suddenly, she seemed much older than her six years. "It's what I want, Mommy. I was born here. Daddy and Meredith and Hayden and Aida are here. And… Leni is here, too. Don't you feel it? She would've wanted us here, Mommy." Then she added with a grin before running off to play again, "And besides, Seattle's got ferryboats. Any city with ferryboats has to be all right. This place… just feels like home. 'Cause home is where the heart is, right? And Mommy, my heart is in Seattle."

She smiled as she watched her little girl run to tell Derek the news; he, in turn, looked up at Addison as though saying a silent thank you. She smiled back; after all, Elena was wonderful and amazing, and she wanted him to be able to experience that as well. If home was where the heart was, then she knew that anywhere with Elena was home because Elena was, and would always be, her heart.

…

_Maybe there are some questions that just don't have answers. Or maybe there are more answers than we could possibly ever know for a single question. Maybe love is just one of those things that you aren't supposed to understand; just knowing that it exists and perhaps even getting to experience it for yourself is enough. There are so many kinds of love out there—and so many ways of expressing it—that we can only skim the surface of what it really means. So, what is love? If you're lucky enough to feel it at least once in your lifetime, you'll know that mere words could never explain it._

…

**The End**

…

Thanks for reading; you guys have been awesome! Of course, I'll now pose the question of sequel or no sequel? Let me know!


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